ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: The Interview Day

Monday, November 03, 2003

The Interview Day

Today I gave my first tour to prospective medical students. I have never done anything like this before, but it was pretty interesting to see what things are like from the other side of the...umm...ok there's no table or anything but you know what I mean. From this one simple tour I already picked up on a few things that I would like to pass along to future interviewees, because I think this information would be valid to know - if this is how you act around me, the lowly tourguide, then you may or may not want to be doing this in front of people who really matter.

Rule #1) Don't wear some moronic pin that you received for being a parademic, phi beta kappa, or whatever. This one guy today was wearing a shiny silver pin on his black suit that had a helicopter on it. He probably thought it screams, "ask me about this cool paramedic thing I did!" However, it really just wimpers, "I'm a total douche who needs props to commence a conversation with the interviewer, who's ass I am going to make out with for about one hour in the hopes of winning his/her approval and gaining entrance into medical school". I mean honestly, who fucking does that?

Rule #2) Do ask us something we do NOT like about the school - I really think that is the best way to gauge what is really going on with the school, and is something you can only really ask people who are in the know but aren't able to tell the admissions office you asked a question like that.

Rule #3) Don't try to impress tourguides (or anyone else, for that matter) with big words. As other students were asking about the curriculum or graduate housing or other thoughts that might actually have a bearing on their decision, this one guy (actually the same ass who violated rule #1) just pops out with a question that went something like this: "When you study the cardiovascular system, do you also learn about troponin I's or creatine phosphate levels or [insert big technical medical word here]?". Luckily for me, we had just learned this stuff that morning so I could say "Yes" and not have to lie to cover up my own inadequacies as a hapless medical student. But more importantly, I was wondering: What kind of shit asks a question like this? Was he trying to impress the ONLY people who have no bearing on his application? Was he trying to intimidate the other interviewees by talking above them and making THEM feel inadequate? Was he simply covering up his own inadequacies (small penis) and show off the one bit of information he knows? The answer to all these questions is most likely yes. Asshole.

Rule #4) Do ask us about other schools we were considering and why we chose this one. You may likely be in a similar situation and might find it useful to know what factors other people considered so that you can consider them as well. And of course it lets me show off all the other bigshot places I got into (hmm what was that about me and feeling inadequate?).

Rule #5) Don't, under any circumstances, say something like what was said to me today: "Wow you guys are already old medical students and I haven't even graduated from college yet. It's so wierd for me to even imagine doing this old people stuff and being a grad student." First, if that's the case, what the fuck are you doing here in the first place? Fool. Second, all you are doing is reminding us of what was (undergraduate debauchery, filled with drinking, partying, and gasp free time) and what is and forever shall be (study study study!). You might as well say "Man you guys are fucking old and lame. I would hate to be you." OK maybe not that bad, but guess what's coming to you in about nine months, jackass...

I can't think of anymore things to put down here at the moment, but if I do I will try to expand the list.