ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Swallow. Doctor's Orders.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Swallow. Doctor's Orders.

Throughout the first year and a half or so of medical school, our curriculum has been organized into blocks arranged around studying certain organ systems and their diseases, and threads arranged around subjects that are relevant to all the blocks, like genetics or ethics. One such thread is entitled "Clinical Reasoning and Epidemiology", and this has basically been a scattered series of lectures trying to teach us a) how to search for scientific journal articles on-line and b) how to analyze statistics in such journal articles.

While I am nowhere near mastering (b), I'd like to think I have a firm grasp on (a) - it's really not that hard to think of what you want to look up, then type the words, and then wait for the search engine to spit out the results. Why should you care? Well, recently we were assigned to do quite possibly the most ridiculous set of busy work ever inflicted upon hapless medical students. In order to study nutrition (and justify the job of this one lady who's sole purpose is to take away our time from actually learning medicine, including...nutrition), we had to pick some random topic that had not been written about in the past few years and write a 5-page review article on it. I have decided to write mine on gastric bypass surgery in kids, but if that were the end of this post you'd probably be thinking "man I remember when this guy at least tried to be funny". Lucky for you, there's much more where this came from - please enjoy the steamy dramatic portrayal that follows:

It was a Saturday night. I was alone, betrayed by a friend who I thought was coming to relieve me of my boredom. I relegated myself to the world of computer socializing, where one of my friends came to me and said "Fuck, just thinking about having to do this nutrition paper makes me angry, and I have no idea what to do it on." I agreed with him and his saucy language, and then I delved into the depths of my brilliantly academic mind, searching for a topic that not only reached towards the higher echelon of pure science but also deftly worked to cure the diseases that afflict mankind, thus making this world a better and more pure place. After struggling mightly for approximately 14 seconds, my genius displayed itself once again as I offered this monumental suggestion:

"Perhaps you could study whether there is a benefit to swallowing rather than spitting during oral sex."

Yes, this was truly a man amongst boys when it came to potential sources of scientific discovery. Shockingly, my friend was not impressed. "Umm...I think finding any articles on that might be just a little difficult", he sighed. Fear not, for as I previously mentioned, I was thoroughly skilled in the art of literature searching. Wielding my weapon upon the keyboard, I went to PubMed and entered in the key words that would seal my fate:

"oral sex, swallowing"

The computer churned, yearning for a chance to break free from the bounds of chastity (I challenge you to make any sense out of that sentence). I waited anxiously, my pulse rising, my breathing become more rapid, all the while wondering if I would ever feel the large firm breasts of victory. In a matter of seconds something emerged on screen. It appeared to be a list. It started small, but then it kept growing. And growing. And growing! Soon it was rigid and firm, and I have to stop this analogy before I barf all over my keyboard.

I looked at the potential papers, seeing nothign to my liking. But then it struck me. Finally, the proof all men have needed for eternity stared at me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had found the holy grail:

Correlation between oral sex and a low incidence of preeclampsia: a role for soluble HLA in seminal fluid?

Yes, here I had found a paper that proved once and for all that there was an actual health benefit to swallowing. I read on and discovered the abstract:

The involvement of immune mechanisms in the aetiology of preeclampsia is often suggested. Normal pregnancy is thought to be associated with a state of tolerance to the foreign antigens of the fetus, whereas in preeclamptic women this immunological tolerance might be hampered. The present study shows that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia which fits in the existing idea that a paternal factor is involved in the occurrence of preeclampsia. Because pregnancy has many similarities with transplantation, we hypothesize that induction of allogeneic tolerance to the paternal HLA molecules of the fetus may be crucial. Recent data suggest that exposure, and especially oral exposure to soluble HLA (sHLA) or HLA derived peptides can lead to transplantation tolerance. Similarly, sHLA antigens, that are present in the seminal plasma, might cause tolerance in the mother to paternal antigens. In order to test whether this indeed may be the case, we investigated whether sHLA antigens are present in seminal plasma. Using a specific ELISA we detected sHLA class I molecules in seminal plasma. The level varied between individuals and was related to the level in plasma. Further studies showed that these sHLA class I molecules included classical HLA class I alleles, such as sHLA-A2, -B7, -B51, -B35 and sHLA-A9. Preliminary data show lower levels of sHLA in seminal plasma in the preeclampsia group, although not significantly different from the control group. An extension of the present study is necessary to verify this hypothesis.

Victory was mine! I quickly returned to my friend to show him teh results. He laughed at me, then wondered what kind of jackass takes time to actually look up something like that. I smiled, turned my eyes towards him (or the computer version of him on IM), and said, "This jackass, my friend. This jackass." My finger was pointed directly at my face.

The End.

(If you would like to actually read this article, the full citation is:
Koelman CA, Coumans AB, Nijman HW, Doxiadis II, Dekker GA, Claas FH. Correlation between oral sex and a low incidence of preeclampsia: a role for soluble HLA in seminal fluid? J Reprod Immunol. 2000 Mar;46(2):155-66.)


Blogger wyn said...

funny stuff you can dig up when bored and have pubmed at your disposal... GEEK! =) i bet not many readers know much about immunology to understand that abstract....

3:39 PM  
Blogger Sneha said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:47 AM  
Blogger Sneha said...

Hey, love your stuff by the way...

Incidentaly, I'm a medical student in Australia and the Prof "Dekker" one of the researchers of that paper is one of our Obs lecturers.

It has been proven my friend...spread the word :)

3:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[I waited anxiously, my pulse rising, my breathing become more rapid, all the while wondering if I would ever feel the large firm breasts of victory. In a matter of seconds something emerged on screen. It appeared to be a list. It started small, but then it kept growing. And growing. And growing! Soon it was rigid and firm.]

wow, i think i need a cigarette...

5:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to break it to everyone, but a new study (from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health) was just released that swallowing during oral sex increases the rate of throat cancer (by 250%). They tried to explain it by saying that it may be a cause of HPV. :-(

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, to someone that is not so uptight about sex and it's pleasures,this article had absoultely no information at all. this is a commonly asked question, that deserves a straight answer.

12:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about those of us that for whatever reason aren't able to shoot in a mouth? My girl feels inadequate because I can't give her a load on demand.

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Buy Steroids said...

is very The system of lectures is structured very comfortable at your school!

6:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This finding is definitely worthy of the IgNobel prize!

6:33 PM  
Blogger TRamp_ChiLDRen said...

Thank you very much for this information.
Good post thanks for sharin.
I like this site ..
heRgüN koNTRoL eDiLip LiNk yeNiLeNeN siTeDeN heR TüRLü müzik ve eN öNemLisi ARabesk Rap iNDiRmek içiN siTemizi ziyaReT eDiNiz
seks aNıLaRıNızı TazeLemek içiN hazıRLaNmış sikiş izleme siTesi
rokettubenin bi yan sitesi geldi yeni çıktı fırından yepyeni videolarla rokettube izleyebileceğiniz taptaze yepyeni çıtır çıtır site
heR TüRDeN porno videoLaRıN oLDuğu biRçok siTe aRasıNDaN seçiLmiş ve hazıRLaNmış bi siTe

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

en kışkırtıcı rokettube sex
en hayalci rokettube videoları
yeter mi hayır pornoları izle
ah ulan porno izleme sitesi
en boşaltıcı pornocu muyuz diyenlere
en azdırıcı porn videoları,
en güzel porn izleme sitesi,
en muhteşem sex izleme yeri,
en kaliteli anal porno mekanı,
bu sitede en tatlı amatör porno kızları bulunuyor,
en kral sikiş videoları,
en uzun porno videoları,
türk pornoda olay var,
güzel mature pornoları kim izlemek istemez..

7:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lasix Ohne Rezept Kaufen
Order lasix
cialis soft Rezept
diflucan Ohne Rezept Bestellen
kamagra oral jelly Rezeptfrei Kaufen
kamagra Ohne Rezept Bestellen
achat kamagra oral jelly
kamagra oral jelly Online Rezept
cialis Bestellen Rezeptfrei
Buy cialis
Prix imitrex Pharmacie
viagra soft Rezeptfrei Kaufen
Prix cialis super active plus Pharmacie
inderal Rezeptfrei
Buy kamagra oral jelly online
Ohne Rezept diflucan Apotheke
diflucan Bestellen Rezeptfrei
Order xenical Online
Kaufen diflucan Online

9:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

achat Vigora en france
acheter Paxil
Celebrex sin receta
acheter Lexapro
Accutane prezzo farmacia
comprare Cialis Professional online
Kamagra senza ricetta in farmacia
Priligy vendita online
Zithromax rezeptfrei
Cialis Soft españa
acheter Diflucan en france
achat Propecia
Female Viagra precio farmacia
Proscar comprar
Priligy france pharmacie
Proscar prezzo farmacia
Female Viagra sin receta
Proscar bestellen
Levaquin sin receta en farmacias
vendita Silagra italia
comprar Neurontin sin receta
achat Lexapro en france
acheter Propecia

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Horace said...

Gosh, there is a great deal of effective info here!
best online sale of Gorjana | Womens | one sale cheapest Kelly Wearstler

1:18 PM  
Anonymous price per head said...

Thanks for posting this review! I love this website and I’ve subscribed to it.

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cheating at slot car racing
blackjack single deck rule of 6
casino games free
van der slot confession video transcript
casino machine online postrek.com slot
free aussie style slots casinos
dakota sioux casino
double exposure blackjack strategy
ho slot car parts diagram
hankinson casino
review join online casino affiliate program
picture of dvi slot
blackjack's nashville tennessee
bon jovi roulette clean
internet play casino blackjack
casino accesories
on the hill slot cars
cleopatra video slots
slots poker slots

2:02 AM  
Blogger deniz said...

Adult filmlerin en iyi adresini bulmak için aslında uzakta değilsiniz, günümüzde artık film çeşitliliği çoktur ve her şey sizin elinizdedir. Gerçekten kaliteli işler yapan bazı siteler vardır. Bunları bulmak aslında zor olmasa da biraz da size bağlıdır çünkü burada sevdiğiniz kategoriler çok önemlidir. Eğer Türkçe Altyazılı Porno izle kategorisini çok seviyorsanız önemli adresler bulmak için tek yapmanız gereken emancupo adlı adrese girmektir.

3:42 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home