ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Lost In Translation

Friday, April 08, 2005

Lost In Translation

I'm sitting here on a Friday afternoon, still recovering from a hangover courtesy of the last lecture-based final I will ever take in my lifetime and the copious amounts of drinking that ensued (which apparently took a greater toll on me than I had expected). Perhaps the headache, with the pain in my left ear due to an infection making a nice contribution to my overall malaise (excuse me while I note a new record for SAT words in a single post - two!), has sucked all the creativity I have to write another entry into this fantastic journey of fun called medical school. Or perhaps I'm really tired and lazy. Or perhaps a few so-called friends of mine made a posting on the medical school fantasy baseball league that I am in (my team name = The Hebrew Nationals - it works on so many levels) completely and uterly mocking me and this collection of neurotic Jewish whining known as Ah Yes, Medical School and I've lost all will to live.

Any way you slice it, I just am too tired to come up with anything. But fear not, because while I was studying (and by studying I mean a continous cycle of reading a sentence from the notes, refreshing espn.com, checking the lineup on HBO, and seeing if there was anyone online to talk to), I managed to make a small collection of some of the ridiculous, retarded, and/or raunchy things people have said over the last block, and I am sharing the best of them with you:

“Interestingly, it’s good to be a woman. I don’t know why.” - Lecturer, regarding lung transplants. Duh.

"Before you stick it in, have a plan to take it out." - Lecturer, regarding ventilators.

“What do you mean by this?” – Classmate, in response to a slide that listed an obviously incomprehensible treatment option for kidney stones, “Dietary protein restriction”.

“[Quick hand raise] Question! [pause]. Umm…I have a question, but I don’t even know what to ask.” Same classmate as the previous quote, during a lecture on acute acid-base management.

“[Quick hand raise] Question! [pause]. Umm…I have a question, but I don’t even know what to ask.” Again, same classmate as before, next day, EKG lab.

“First thing you do is go bedside and tap this guy.” – Lecturer, obviously talking about pleural effusions and the lung.

“When are you going to tap that?” – Same lecturer.
“When there’s an infection?” – Different classmate, who is drawing upon her experiences as a prostitute in Thailand.
“No.” – Lecturer.

“Only tap it when it’s wet.” – Same lecturer. Peace!

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am cracking up in the study lounge as I speak. OMG, thats hilarious...

8:48 PM  
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8:41 AM  
Anonymous Xander said...

I was really hoping that ditzy people would be filtered out by the admissions process. Guess not. Maybe things will be different at my school this fall... Probably not.

12:17 PM  

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