ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Glory

Monday, August 08, 2005

Glory

The mood this morning was undeniably stressful. Blood flying through the air. Beads of sweat rolling down the cheeks of the surgeons that filled the OR. The tension emanating across the operating table had reached a pinnacle, with six doctors hovering over the dilapidated patient as she struggled mightily to stay alive. Halfway through a ten hour procedure to resect a tumor in this elderly woman's jaw, the doctors quickly realized that they were in dire straits, with the monitors beeping loudly and the patient's face literally splayed open. They had already removed part of the fibula (leg bone), with muscles attached, as well as half of the woman's jaw, with plans to replace the cancer-ridden jaw with reshaped bone from the leg. One-fourth of this woman's face was literally cut away, and the reconstruction process was about to begin. But just as this was about to start, after so much effort had already been expended by people skillfully trained to save lives, the doctors realized that they could not move forward. They were paralyzed, perhaps with fear, perhaps with the all-to-common reaction to the monster they had just created on the operating table, a woman so disfigured that even her own mother would not recognize her.

However, just as doom was about to eclipse the last rays of light and forever smite the forces of good in this otherwise barren landscape of horror, the head doctor had his epiphany from an unlikely source. He looked up from the table and, to his surprise, spotted a dashingly handsome young medical student, ardently observing the proceedings at hand and focusing his passionate, dreamy blue eyes on the large gaping wounds before him. This young, single, and disease-free man, built with the strong arms, sharp mind, and soothingly sexy voice reflective of his Ashkenazi Jewish heritage, was standing by the operating table, waiting hours and hours for a moment, this moment, when his greatness would be exposed and his path to medical immortality would be secured. The head surgeon quickly made eye contact, was momentarily paralyzed by the penetrating power of this medical student's eyes, and then uttered the words that would define the beginning of the patient's climb back to health. With a soft, feeble voice, he tried to get the medical student's attention:

“Hey, you.”

The medical student turned his attention away from the gory mess of vessels, nerves, muscles and skin, and turned his head all around, wondering if someone was talking to him. Surely the doctor knew his real name but wanted to use "you" so as not to make the four other medical students in the room feel left out.

“Ya, you.”

The medical student pointed to himself in a questioning matter, but before he could speak the doctor began his words that would begin the student’s week on otolaryngology (head and neck surgery), as well as begin his flight to the top of the greatest legends in the history of medicine:

“Could you turn up the volume on my iPod?”

The medical student briskly leaped over to the iPod/stereo combination the surgeon had brought with him, examined the complicated contraption, felt for the appropriate buttons, and deftly turned up the volume, exposing the from-the-streets beat developed by Eazy-E many years in the past and revealing the musical tastes of the attending physician for all to appreciate...


In a world so full of terror, disgrace, and the banality of mankind, one must try to pause and remind oneself of a truly important fact: there are still heroes in this world, people who rise above the status quo, the average, the mundane, to produce something so beautiful, so profound, as to make all that came before it obsolete, and all that was to come after it a byproduct of the original success. The medical student paused, listened to the rap (“Boyz N Tha Hood” by Eazy-E) that now loudly filled the OR, and knew that his work was done. For just as he pumped up the volume, the mood in the OR changed from dark to light, the attitudes shifted from despair to the utmost optimism, and in only five more hours, the woman’s jaw was reconstructed, her cancer removed, and her future ensured. All thanks to a young medical student and his swift action. In a profession where the goal of saving lives and patient care has often been replaced by the bottom line and a fear of lawsuits, rest assured that there are still people so pure and noble as to uphold these original ideals in all their medical works. As the late Eazy-E, whose life was so tragically cut short, once poignantly stated, "Yeah, I kicked a little ass, but that was a blast from the past muthafucka...get busy ya ya ya y'all"


Yes…get busy. Get busy, y'all.

22 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear (I have no Idea what your name is),

I started reading your blog as of a few days ago, and esp this entry this morning makes me so inspired, thankful, and grateful for people like you who are willing todo stuff like this that i don't think most people could do in a million years.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you so much for posting your blog and sharing your experiences. A med student friend recently told me that my potential ambitions are for liars and basically is garbage work (i'm thinking about an mba), and it hurt me deeply. My "friend" made me think that doctors are very virtuous (which is partially true) and even though i have no interest in being a doctor whatsoever because I'm afraid of blood and even though i have major eczema etc, I should look into something in the medical field because its the only real worthwhile thing todo (according to my friend). After reading several of your blogs from 2003, and another person's blog, I realize that doctors are..just human.. Sorry I don't know any nice Jewish girls haha I don't know even which medical school u goto (u should post a generic bio or something) but as I muddle through my mundane consultant job, staring mindlessly for 10-12 hours at a computer every day, thinking about an MBA to take a break from IT, but at the point where looking at another glossy board room meeting or seeing another person in suits and talking IT consultant trash is about to make me gag and throw up, your blog fills my brain with interesting and insightful ideas about a world far far away... Your postings make me laugh and smile. I think you should dub yourself as a medical comedian or something and heal your patients by making them laugh while you treat them. Thanks again!

ps - what do doctors think about people in other professions? lawyers,wrtiers, mbas etc?

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh ps - the reason i wrote what i did was because i wanted to say, your blog has made me laugh so much its taken away my "IT sickness" so I'm not so sick and tired of what i do anymore..its made me laugh so much at life that I can go on dreaming again about my ambitions..thanks!

9:21 AM  
Blogger Ms. Charisma said...

Very well written post!

10:55 AM  
Blogger The Fake Doctor said...

umm...wow...glad i can entertain.

as far as what docs think of other professions, that's not something i've gathered yet (other than a complete hatred for most lawyers for obvious reasons). now, what docs of one speciality think of docs of another speciality is something that there is a lot of material for, and perhaps i'll tackle that at a future date (when i have more perspectives other than the surgeons)

8:27 PM  
Blogger erica Lubavitch said...

So thats the secret!

I'll keep on reading for more enlightening bits of information.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Merovingienne said...

I'd be very interested in what you and other docs you've talked to/overheard think of other medical professionals, especially nurses...

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Aki said...

Dude you should write for scrubs...really....
ps - this is my response to the search engine porn comment, toodles :)

10:10 PM  
Blogger woundnurse said...

hey fake doc,
I wrote a comment here a few days ago, don't know what happened to it. But I'll give it another try.
Its so cool to get a "bird's eye view" of doctors going through internship. I can remember going through clinicals and the mishaps that happened.
Your writing is so good, you should publish. Keep us informed and updated!

6:57 PM  
Blogger remmaps said...

Natalee "Natalee Holloway" Holloway

Beth "Beth Twitty" Twitty

1:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just found this site, and this shit is FUNNY....Sometimes I think the med students I go to school with are so uptight, pretentious and idealistic.... Gives me hope that there are people just like me out there in medical school

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Fake Doctor,

This is my first post here, and I just thought I'd point out that for every person who has ever written a comment on your blog, there are at least 10 others who are "silent readers". As far as I'm concerned, you are officially famous.

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