Now that I've had a few (albeit brief) rotations under my belt, I thought it'd be fun to track my thought process and keep a ranking of the different types of doctors I might become, adding and subtracting things to the list as I am exposed to them or as I develop new epiphanies. To limit myself and keep this list contained, I'll make sure that fields I have not yet rotated through cannot be considered, and all inclinations to insert "Drop Out", "Drop Out Now", and "Jewish Sex God" will be (hopefully) rejected by me. However, if I develop a burning desire to include a viable career not directly related to medicine, I am reserving all rights to stick that in there (so "Screenwriter" and "Marry Rich" are still alive). Lastly, I'd like to create a final spot, entitled "Hell No", for a medical field I find so repugnant I can't imagine even the thought of pursuing it.
To kick things off, I'll try my best to explain my number 1 and my Hell No. So far, looking back on the last five weeks, we have a surprise winner for the first spot: Urology. You may be thinking to yourself, "Isn't this the same schmuck who went on and on whining about how gross it was to keep sticking his finger up so many people's asses?", and you'd be right. But you have failed to consider that, with urology, I have an endless source of material with which to make jokes about. And just imagine if I combined urology with my longterm interest in pediatrics? The thought of my mom having to tell her friends that her beloved son the doctor is a pediatric urologist alone is enough to make me laugh. While choosing a career for the jokes is probably not the best idea, I have absolutely no other criteria with which to pick a field at this point, so might as well go with what keeps me entertained.
Furthermore, I'd like to nominate anesthesiology as the current occupant of my Hell No spot. Tthis last week of anesthesia was by far the easiest week I've had, with me getting off the earliest and being able to joke around with a great group of wise-asses and otherwise laid-back residents while we did some intubations and got to sit around. So why is career this off? Well, rather than give technical details on the field of anesthesiology, let me give you an analogy that should explain why: Let's say you're trying to break into the porn industry. You're a strapping young lad packing a 12 inch penis, medicore acting abilities, and a perfect porn name, Rock Highlands. You are lucky enough to get a call-back from a movie crew, and when you arrive on the set, you find this gorgeous young woman with enormous breasts and a tiny waist, who, while perhaps not actually as hungry for cock as the title of the film you're about to shoot would suggest, will still be boning the lead of the film in about thirty minutes. However, after arriving on the set, you are told by the director that, rather than be the lead male in this scene, you are instead assigned to the role of the "auxiliary porn movie character who is there for no obvious reason but is still vital to every porn movie ever made". Now, you're role in this film is pivotal, you will get paid well, and you don't have to work hard at all. But you're not the one boning the chick, and you never will be. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I cannot become an anesthesiologist.
I hope you enjoy the progression of this chart, and I hope I figure out what the hell do to with my life. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment.