ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Putting the "Scared Shitless" in "Inpatient Surgery"

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Putting the "Scared Shitless" in "Inpatient Surgery"

Tomorrow morning I begin the legendary six week rotation entitled Inpatient Surgery. This rotation separates the men from the boys, the strong from the weak, the circumscised from their foreskin-retaining but equally equipped bretheren. This is where the 4 AM - 11 PM day is standard, where taking call means actually staying functional for 36 hours straight, and where my (admittedly pathetic excuse for a) life ends for a while, as I am sucked into that chaotic mess I shall always fondly remember as Generic Big City County Hospital. The home of the most intense pimping, the most malignant personalities, the most hideously unattractive residents, the most bizarre patients, the most...ah fuck it, you get where I'm going with this. Needless to say, I'm thrilled. And by thilled I mean scared shitless...and anyone who says otherwise is just not comfortable enough with their insecurities to admit it (so there!).

While I am sure to collect a vast array of absolutely ridiculous stories over the next six weeks, I regretfully will not likely have much time to share many of them here (or anywhere, for that matter). To be honest, I am starting to wonder if I'll be given enough time to take a crap on a regular basis*. I will try to update this website as much as possible, as I've found this to be an invaluable method of catharsis in getting me through medical school, as well as a way to educate others about what being a medical student is all about (and not to mention being a hell of a lot cheaper than paying for a therapist). However, I apologize in advance to my loyal readers (Hi Mom!) if I cannot post with the regularity I had recently achieved, a regularity only matched by the recent addition of Fiber One to my diet (that's two poo jokes in one post, in case you're keeping track).

With that in mind, I'll leave you with one lasting image before I go: When you are on the verge of descending into sweet sleep and taking a moment to appreciate the infinite darkness of the night, with it's glimmering moon, shooting stars, and deep serenity...pause for an instant and consider that somewhere, out in the distant fog, there is some poor schmuck medical student struggling to stay awake for yet another night, running around a hospital somewhere, trying to survive. Please do that fine young individual a favor and pray for his or her soul before shutting your eyes and enveloping yourself in a magical dream world. Amen.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pay a triumphant visit to the restroom...one...last...time. Oy, I'm getting all fahklempt!

*Of course, that said, I'll always make time for any attractive, single, Jewish females out there. You didn't seriously think I was going to write all this and not put yet another shameless plug here, did you?


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