ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Ouch

Saturday, September 03, 2005


Before I plunge into a glorious sleep known as the post-call nap, I thought I'd share an anecdote from what I saw last night taking trauma call. Now, one of my goals during my surgery rotation was to take a night call shift during a weekend night (i.e. Friday or Saturday) to see what kind of crazy stuff goes down at an urban trauma center in a county hospital. I imagined all sorts of chaos, including hordes of patients, cops following patients to the floor, and drunk patients assaulting anyone who might be in the way. It turns out, however, that things aren't really that exciting, and that 'er' is a rather grand overdramatization of the chaos that occurs in the ER at your average hopsital.

That said, if you are lucky, you still get to see things that a select few will ever get to witness, things that are so undescribeably awful that no words really do them justice, other than to say that it must really suck to be the guy that shows up the ER with that. What do I mean by all this? Let me put it this way: there are a select few phrases that will absolutely strike fear, horror, and despair into the hearts of all men all across the world. Samples include "I'm pregnant", "I want to cuddle", and the classic "I didn't know it could be that small." I would like to submit another phrase, one that was annouced in the ER doctor's waiting area (where the ER docs, trauma surgeons, and lowly medical students await incoming victims) last night while I was on call, to this glorious list:

"Gunshot wound, right scrotum."

I'll let you digest that for a second.

Basically, there are no words to describe the sight of a man being wheeled into the ER, initially calm, on pain medications, and totally unaware of the ball-bleeding occuring under the sheets the EMTs placed over his wound, right at that moment when he is placed on the bed, the sheets are removed, and we all see the perforated scrotum and the bleeding that has ensued. Rather than wax philosophical on this now (frankly, I couldn't do this topic justice in my totally sleep-deprived anyways), I'll just say that, as a fellow ball-possessing individual, it was one of the more painful things I think I could ever witness. I regret that I could not follow what happened with him (he was admitted to another service), but I hope you all have learned a valuable lesson from this: Don't get shot in the nuts.


Anonymous Just Leftie said...

If only you'd told me this sooner, I wouldn't have had to learn that lesson the hard way.

10:11 PM  
Blogger The Fake Doctor said...

that's what i'm here for.

1:36 AM  

"[T]otally unaware of the ball-bleeding" ... Very funny!! :)

9:51 AM  
Blogger Echele said...

I once heard a story about a man that put a metal keyring on his penis to use as a cock ring...then he couldn't get it off...he waited over 24 hours then decided to go to the hospital with a black necrotic penis...needless to say he had to get a penectomy...moral of the story, do not use metal as a cock ring...moral #2, if you do, don't wait 24 hours to go to the hospital...my source was completely reliable as she was performing the case with the docs in the O.R.

9:12 PM  
Blogger rock of gibraltar said...

pain to the scrotum suck. during my freshman year of college, i was frying some taquitos and went to grab a spoon to stir them. needless to say that my arm hit the handle of the pan and oil that had been on the stove for at least 15-20 minutes came splashing down on my scantly covered with boxers scrotum area. so i run to the bathroom right, put the shower on cold and jump up and down in it (cuz you know, its not everyday that you spill boiling vegetable oil on your penis and balls). i didn't even feel the oil that splattered on my stomach and face.

i go to the emergency room and the doctor comes in shakes his head and says......."wow....that had to hurt" i was like yea, it did.
i haven't eaten taquitos since.

*note* (the penis has regained full function since this incident)

12:53 PM  
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8:40 AM  
Blogger peace said...

You are so talented:)

3:49 AM  

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