Ask The Fake Doctor 4
Does dating oh-so-spoiled Jewish girls give you a better appreciation of pediatrics? ;) Oh, wait, you don't date! ~smirk~
I may not be a very smart man. I am terribly un-smooth around women I actually like. And I am often simply lacking in basic common sense. However, being raised as the middle child sandwiched between two Jewish sisters, the son of one Jewish mother, and the eventual future husband of a Jewish wife (although, let's face it, at the rate I'm going that's not happening anytime soon), I'm going to conjure up any wisdom I have left and…umm…well…I’m not touching this one with a ten foot pole. That said, I would love, LOVE, to hear what any of the women in the audience have to say in response to this question.
I feel so sorry for you going to med school. You must have very demanding parents that don't let you make any choices for yourself, like picking a profession that you actually enjoy. I'm so glad I hate going to the doctor after reading this, why would I want some lame ass with no convictions telling me that they think I should just take some pill from this enormous pharmaceutical that takes dumb-ass doctors that can't form an intelligent thought because their heads are full of extraneous information, and tells them this pill is good so they push it on their patients like... DRUG DEALERS. If you're so frustrated quit. Or get over yourself, you're a doctor you don’t come first your patients do.
Ladies and gentlemen, I just got served. Well played.
Being a med student I think you'd find this amusing. Monday I ran into a concrete wall at full speed playing handball. Broke my two front teeth wide open, fractured my orbital roof, and suffered from a minor concussion. If you ever need an idiot to talk about in one of your up and coming blog entries, I could definitely be your man. Oh I attached a picture of me all fucked up and I picture of my CAT scan (my hospital put it on disc so I can view it at home, it's soooo god damn cool)
Let me direct you all to the first Ask The Fake Doctor post, specifically to the part where I wrote "Naked pictures of hot, sexy, Jewish females will, of course, remain for my eyes only. So feel free to send them. Please." Perhaps I wasn't clear enough, as evidenced by this email. All that aside, and realizing that what I am about to say is going to negate any lingering sense of respect any of you might have for me (this of course makes the grand assumption that there was some respect in the first place), but I swear to you all I have not stopped laughing at this picture since I received it a little while ago:
I mean I hope this guy is OK and all, and I appreciate his willingness (even eagerness) to be made fun of in a public forum…but just look at this! Christ, I’m going to hell.
A friend of mine said you were in Med School in Seattle. I told him he was crazy. But now I see this post on Sir [Mix-A-Lot], who is from and lives in Seattle. I am aware that Sir can and has, uh, toured, but it seems like he enjoys local venues more. Can you settle this argument?
Yes, I can. The mystery shall be revealed. After confirming with multiple sources, I can assuredly state that, yes, Sir Mix-A-Lot does in fact enjoy local venues more. I hope that settles your argument.
Mmmmm...I love medical students. I didn't jump on the Med Student Love Train until after I finished nursing school and landed a job with a huge teaching hospital. They taste just like chicken.
Where is this love train and how do I get on it? No seriously, where the hell is it? If anyone would like some Kosher chicken, you know where to reach me. [Cue drums]. It’s now official, I have now lost any shred of dignity I may have had left pulsating through my veins.
I know my OB/GYN too well to ask him this...And no it's not a medical question. As a doctor would you prefer your patients to be "well kept" or like the "Amazon"?
As a doctor (putting aside the small, insignificant detail that I am currently not a doctor), I'd have to say that while it technically doesn't matter one way or the other, keeping things well kept really makes it easier to do things like place the speculum without getting it painfully caught on some hairs and having you, the patient, give us the evil eye, or do other external genitalia examinations geared towards maintaining your health. It also gives us less things to laugh at while you are under general anesthesia. But, perhaps most importantly, I would imagine that keeping your vagina well kept just makes it easier on your partner. I mean seriously, from what my female friends have told me, most guys couldn't find the clitoris if there was a ten foot neon sign pointing directly to it, so I would imagine that an Amazonian rain forest (c'mon, I dare you to click on that) further obscuring the view would make things even more difficult. But I could be wrong here. Just so we’re clear, you were talking about vaginas, right?
What keeps the inside of those membranes around the fetus sterile during pregnancy?
Woooooooah there, partner. You must have me confused for someone who either a) knows something about medicine or b) pretends like he or she knows something about medicine. Perhaps you haven't read much of what I write, but I'm not here to actually answer any real medical questions, if only because I usually don’t know the answer. I'm simply here to provide a little window into a life a whole bunch of overachievers seem to want but none really understand. Well, unless you're talking about the benefits of oral sex, in which case I have the scientific evidence to prove it! That said, my best guess would be the tight junctions between the cells that make up the amniotic and chorionic sacs are sufficient to promote sterility from the outside world, and the fluid within the sac is already immunologically privileged by cell barriers similar to the blood-brain barrier and remains sterile in that way. For those of you in certain regions of the country, the previous sentence can be equally summed up as "Jesus did it."
Are you still single? How on earth have you managed not to be snapped up?
I think I'm just going to make it obligatory that I throw one of these kinds of emails in these posts until I get a girlfriend (or two or three).
Not to be morbid, but your blog brought back fond memories of a coworker who killed himself this year. He was a third year med student and had a similar sense of humor to yours. He was a great guy. I still miss him. Thanks for poignantly making my day.