At Least I Thought I Liked Big Butts: An Introduction To Pediatrics
Only three days into my pediatrics rotation, a rotation in a speciality I had long figured I would end up doing based on my initial motivations to go to medical school, and I can't help but liken these first three days to a memory near and dear to my heart. The weeks I spent working with special needs kids at an incredible camp? The mornings I spent as a child playing catch with my father? The minutes I spend on a regular basis with my imaginary girlfriend? No, no, and...umm...no. In reality, my first three days of pediatrics have reminded me of a very unique evening in my life, one wrought with a turbulent flow of emotions centered around a powerful, almost ethereal human being, a person so talented in his abilities to mix lyrical genius with musical rhythm that he has quite literally changed the social habits of millions of human beings worldwide. By now you must have figured that I am referring to Sir Mix-A-Lot:
My undergraduate institution, nestled in the eerily and disturbingly calm serenity that is suburbia, often sponsered various events to make us feel like we were special. One such event was a "mausoleum party" on Halloween, full of music (and student-provided drinks) to help us dance the night away literally on top of the graves of the people who founded the university. Classy, I know. Anyways, during my freshman year there was an extra buzz around this event because the legendary Sir Mix-A-Lot, he of instant music fame with his soulful rendition of "Baby Got Back", was purported to be performing live. So on the night of the party, my dorm friends and I were especially excited as we made the trek out to the mausoleum (what, you didn't actually think the founders buried themselves on campus?), and we arrived relatively early, everyone in costume. I donned my usual last-minute costume, where I just scribble a sign saying "Hi I'm Matthew Perry" and tape it to my shirt, and stood in the crowd, filled with anticipation to finally hear this classic song live.
However, something strange started happening once Sir Mix-A-Lot and his merry band of singers took the stage. Rather than play the song everyone was desperate to hear, they started rapping songs no one had ever heard of, songs no one was interested in hearing. It was beyond boring, and people were getting disappointed. At least half of the undergraduate body, numbering in the thousands, had shown up wanting to hear this one song, and we were instead being subjected to Mr. Mix-A-Lot singing about his "pain cock" (yes, such lyrics actually exist in one of his songs) while drunk coeds were being invited on stage to dance with some of the crew.
Eager anticipation turned to boredom, and boredom eventually turned to anger. People started chanting for big butts, throwing things, jumping on stage. After about ten songs, which is about nine more songs than I figured Sir Mix-A-Lot ever recorded, he eventually caved and started performing "Baby Got Back". At first, everyone, including myself, cheered loudly. At last, our dreams had been fulfilled, we were finally listening to what we wanted to listen to, what we had waited patiently for all this time to listen to...
Except, when we finally listened to this song, performed live by the original artist, we realized that, well, it kind of sucked. Actually, it really sucked. It sucked so bad that people started getting more angry, more people started jumping on stage, more drunk girls started piling onto the crew of rappers, and a riot almost broke out before the concert was quickly terminated and everyone had to disperse quickly. However, by that point no one cared, because we were all so disappointed with the boredum and futility at hand.
And that's how my first three days of pediatrics have been. See, wasn't that much more fun than me just saying how unbelieveably bored I am, having seen a whopping one patient over the past three days? Oh, it wasn't? Well I tried.
Just to clarify, I still like big butts.