ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Did That Little Brat Just Take A Shit All Over My Hands?

Monday, November 21, 2005

Did That Little Brat Just Take A Shit All Over My Hands?

Having spent the last five minutes trying to think of ways to top that title as a means of expressing the joy and wonder I have felt on my first full day working for the pediatric nursery team, I have realized that nothing really encapsulates the experience any better than the aforementioned title. Given that, I hope you enjoy this, my shortest posting. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wash my hands. Again.


Blogger neha said...

yes i liked this more than the last post.


10:06 PM  
Blogger Echomouse said...

Dirty short post but it was good :)

11:05 PM  
Blogger Mai said...

well, in a matter of fact, the little thing LEFT shit on your hand, not took it!


1:30 AM  
Blogger Kate Mc said...

Wow. This whole peds thing just isn't working out for ya, is it?

3:23 AM  
Blogger Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:23 AM  
Blogger Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com said...

Okay, I'm calling it now ... I'm usually pretty good at this stuff, and I'm willing to bet a quarter that Pediatrics ends up under the "Hell No" category of the NSWTHAIGTDWML-O-Meter. :)

3:24 AM  
Blogger MooseHP said...

Now i really belive that licking a toilet is healthier that licking a keyboard! (as seen on slashdot)

3:25 AM  
Blogger The Red said...

Well darling, I hate to be the one to point out to you that if you're not up for uncontrolled bowel movements, you might reconsider the OB part of OB/Gyn. Not only do lots of moms have an unexpected BM whilst in labor, the kids have been known to pop out covered in their own stool, often in the process of spewing out some more; and in addition, the boy babies are pissing in every direction. The trauma of delivery - they're learning to piss themselves.
Of course, a c-section apparantly scares the sh*t out of babies too. My friend had one and right when they had extracted the wobbly little dude and were holding him over her gaping open wound, he dropped a little gift on the doc's hand and back into his mum's uterus.
Enjoy the alcohol foam, dear.

5:10 AM  
Blogger MargaritaLuvr said...

Blood and poo: the two reasons I could never be a doctor. Hats off to you.

6:33 AM  
Blogger kml said...

Just wait untiul one of those cute little baby boys pees on you. Actually, its more at you than on you.

6:55 AM  
Blogger GB, RN said...

Ahh...just think of it as a learning experience for that time when you have little darlings of your very own.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

In the big picture, what's a little shit? In a hundred years time you will probably not remember it.

7:43 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

What is the difference between a child defecating on your hands and you sticking your hand up a grown man's rectum? The quantity is the only thing I can think of! And there's less in a child! So how can peds be worse (at least in the contact-with-waste-matter realm)? After dissecting a cadaver for a year in med school, I fail to see how BMs even register on the scale of disgustingness.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

You know, when it's your kid, it's nasty...but when it's someone else's kid....well, that's a whole new level of 'gross'

10:40 AM  
Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh, crap.


12:19 PM  
Blogger Marissa Engel said...

Ah yes, never a dull moment. And I thought I had to move to Hollywood for excitement. Apparently, you had the better college advisor.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Brilliant title!

Left me wanting more. Be careful where you leave your hooks!

3:07 PM  
Blogger Luci-ism said...

Wow, you wash your hands alot. Like 47180743847 times a day. Should take better care of them...seeing that hand rejuvenation cosmetic procedures are all the rage these days. OH and btw, just wanted to let you know...I just stumbled across your page and although its mostly toilet related humour, you word things pretty hilariously. Most of all, THANX for the copyright note you put on the bottom of your page, TOTALLY reminded me I should jack uhmm, "reference material," off you if ever needed for my film concepts. Dont worry, I'll be sure to include you when the credits roll by...lookout for, "Thanx to Pseudo Fake Doctor Guy."

3:28 PM  
Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Hehe, nice work!!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Lolita said...

It must have been paiful for you to press the "Publish Post" button after so few words... but they still made me laugh!

6:00 PM  
Blogger Lolita said...

It must have been painful for you to press the "Publish Post" button after so few words... but they still made me laugh!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Transcience said...

Just guessing here, but the difference between a child pooping on our Fake Doctor's hands and him sticking them up a grown man's rectum is... he was definitely wearing gloves for the latter.

6:33 PM  
Blogger Tom said...

Yeah, that sounds like a normal day for a nurse on a medical-surgical floor. Especially when you can report to the doctor, "Um, yeah, Mr. X, yeah, he's no longer constipated."


7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hold out your hands for a big surprise ;)

10:46 PM  
Blogger Mean Red said...

Well they do say never work with children or animals.

3:51 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

I think Stolie's right on the money here... I'm sensing a bit of disillusion... nay, DISGUST with the peds rotation.

Hang in there... it won't last forever!

5:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aww c'mon..babies are cute! just think of it as baby poop :) even baby poop is cute (if that doesn't work, just think of mr hanky the christmas poo)..then again I'm not in medicine at all hehe so i wouldn't know but i've been babysitting since i was 10, kids throw up, poo, spill things, cry, whine, scream etc, they're just young and fun kids! kids are to be loved :)

just remember err to talk to yourself, the "young you" that wanted to go into medicine err..years and years ago (i forgot how long medical school is supposed to be so i have no idea where you're at) besides yelling at your young self for going to medschool, remember this is "your" dream! (err the royal "you" "then" and "now" plural- im just making this up)..this is the One Chance you have fulfill that young premed's dream inside of you..to work in pediatrics.. so err.."talk to yourself" hehe and fulfill that young premed's dream for 1 rotation..

besides, its an open secret that kids are a "women magnet" and girls find that a guy who talks about caring for children sounds attractive and sexy ;)

-Miss Anonymous

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that aside, your post was really funny! haha =)

-Miss Anonymous

11:10 AM  
Blogger Litahnee said...

I haven't read your blog in a few weeks so I had a fair bit of catching up to do.
After the quasi-porn descriptions of the operating room and everything else that has been happening, you should be used to a bit of shite by now....

3:30 PM  
Blogger Daphnewood said...

sometimes you feel like you just can't get clean enough :)

6:33 PM  
Blogger redhead83402 said...

HEheheheh ~ jist yew WITE 'Enry 'Iggin's , jist yew WITE, 'Enry 'Iggin's....
You DO realize that eventually you are going to have to do a geriatrics rotation, don't you? BWAHAHAHahahahah ~ You think baby poo reeks, just WAIT till you get to wipe the ass of an 85 yr old man who DOESN'T WANT you there, and PURPOSELY shite himself just to spite the good ol' doc! Big people poo smells soooo bad, that I guarantee you will never even want to use the same brand of wet-wipes EVER again in your ENTIRE LIFE, even if you have a zillion & one kids, because just the SCENT of that wet-wipe conjures up such foul memories and smells! Even better, wait untill you have to rectally ~express~ an old lady that is constipated, and has been for the last 5 days~ yup, you guessed it, only a little thin lining of silicone between your hand and her last 5 days worth of processed meals ~ & move your arm outta there FAST, or I guarantee, you will get a worse shit-shower than you got with that innocent little babe! :-D Just a thought, to get you prepared for the future~ You can thank me later :-D

12:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I added a link to your blog, I hope you don't mind.

6:47 AM  
Blogger ghartstein said...

When I reminisce about my teaching days, I'll never again complain about third grade snot all over everything. When they shit themselves I could always make them walk to the bathroom or nurse's office.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speak of the Devil:


12:55 PM  
Blogger Ryann said...

hee hee. thanks for making my day.

Congrats you now get to be one of the random strangers from whom I steal experiences from while I contemplate what to do with my life!!

you lucky bastard.

5:04 PM  
Blogger An Enlightened Fellow said...

How about, "That Brat Shat."

12:50 PM  
Blogger greeneggsandtam said...

you my dear make my day.
if ever i complain about grade nine boys smelling of goat - rest assured i shall recall your shit shower and thank the powers that be i was a little too thick for medical school.

2:05 PM  
Blogger lee said...

and it was probably all "bird-seedy" and all...so long as you didn't get it underneath your fingernails... :) .

8:23 PM  
Blogger tami said...

You just articulated the unspoken words of every parent out there... that was beautiful.

8:13 AM  
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