Use Your Illusion
Yesterday was long call day, which means our internal medicine team was admitting every dreadful walk of life that wandered into the ER and needed a hospital stay. After being given a notice by my resident to check out a new admit in the ER for renal failure, I was not particularly excited. Perhaps it was the fatigue, perhaps the knowledge of the work that lay ahead, or perhaps it was simply my utter distaste for smelling all those awful smells in the ER, but I was very hesitant. However, sacking up like the manly man that I am, I reattached my testicles to myself and marched on forward to the ER.
That's when I saw them...
They were the most magnificent things I had ever seen. Big, bountiful, yearning to be freed from the tight cloth that so cruelly repressed these enormous jugs, these fantastic melons, these glorious mounds of delight from exploding in a fit of pornographic ecstasy. Stunning. Awe-inspiring. Some would even call them beautiful. I found that, throughout the workup of this patient, I couldn't help but stare at those miraculous works of art, distracted by the sheer glory of their creation. How could I have been so fortunate as to receive an admission like this?
Of course, it came as some surprise to that these were, in fact, fake. Crafted not by the hand of God but instead by a more malicious force.
Yes, these supple jugs were in fact the unfortunate side effect of one man's longterm bladder and fluid herniation through his inguinal canal, which ultimately led to his kidney failure.
Wait, you know I'm talking about my patient's massively swollen scrotum, right?
If you would like to read more about acute renal failure, click here.
If you would like to read more about scrotal swelling, click here.
If you feel at all cheated by this post, then try a little harder when you're searching for porn on the internet next time. I'm trying to educate people about medical school, here. Jeez.
And if you're wondering what prompted this juvenile post in the first place (my sporadic fits of immaturity notwithstanding), I'll just say that sometimes, with today being a prime example, you witness things so emphatically and definitively depressing that you have to find some way of coping, and my way is manifested here.