Ask The Fake Doctor 5
Judging by the increasing hostility among the most recent batch of comments I have received, and drawing upon my skillful clinical acumen, I have concluded that the main reason for this newfound anger is that I have for too long neglected you, the reader, hogging this forum for my own ramblings, misgivings, and false pretenses without giving you the opportunity to sound off. It is with this humbling admission that I offer you this, my latest attempt to answer your questions about medical school, life, the world’s mysteries, and so on. Please enjoy, and feel free to send me your questions, comments, and concerns, however off the wall, and I’ll try my best to answer them…uhh, when I’m not saving all those lives.
A few quick points before I begin:
1. I appreciate the outpouring of concern regarding my drinking habits. Even more so, I appreciate those of you who have chosen to admonish my relatively mild drinking habits, even when I’m clearly just making fun of myself while I do this. Christ, people, it’s a freaking joke.
2. Thanks for all the comments regarding scrubs vs. nice clothes. Based on the wide range of opinions, I came to absolutely no conclusion whatsoever. Strong work, everyone. I also learned that I look hot either way, so I guess I’ll just do what my boss says.
3. This post is long. Apologies to attention spans, everywhere.
By the way, I’m totally fucking wasted right now.
I had to g
oogle around a little bit to find the post on your blog where he mentions him name, but whatever happened to that guy Kevin Jordan? Did you post an update about him? Did I miss it?
-F.B.C.
Kevin, where have you gone? Alas, I have not heard from Mr. Jordan since November, 2005, and can only assume he successfully scored with that Jewish girl of his dreams (no joke) he was telling me about and has not left her bedroom since.
How do you manage to maintain your sense of cool and not lose your temper? How did you not respond "'Honey then what the hell DO you do around here??" I suppose that's why I never considered medicine as a career. Too many people (idiots) to deal with!
-D.
The only way I can maintain any semblance of cool, and believe me, there’s not much cool there, is by finding my own personal happy place (thanks, Happy). It conveniently turns out that this happy place is pretty simple to find. The way you find it is by looking at your surroundings. If you do not see patients, doctors, nurses, or anything resembling a hospital, then congratulations, you’ve found my happy place. This happy place is sometimes augmented by the occasional addition of a scantily clad Natalie Portman lying on a couch waiting for me, depending on my state of consciousness. But, umm, ya, as long as it’s somewhere not in the hospital that will be swell. I think this might be a problem.
Someone once told me that one can detach a scrotum with only a few pounds of pressure. Is this true? I've been threatening my future husband with it from time to time, but would like to know if it works in case one day i really need to use it.
-A.R.
I’m not sure what’s more disconcerting, the fact that someone out there is seriously thinking about this issue and how to potentially apply it to her future husband, or that someone out there actually thinks I have managed to detach my own balls and can therefore speak from personal experience in detailing how much effort it takes to remove one’s scrotum.
But just in case you’re curious, turns out it doesn’t hurt at all.
You like big butts? And you still can't get a girlfriend? Huh...
-Anonymous
I'm curious as to why the girls you (don't quite manage to) date have to be Jewish?
-S.M.
Let’s see if this clears things up. I love burritos. Specifically, I love Baja Fresh burritos (Especially the bean and cheese with black beans, pico de gallo, green sauce…wait, what was the question? Oh, right.). I really love these burritos. I’ve grown up with these burritos, I know them, am comfortable ordering them, know their consistency, their smell, their texture, their taste, etc. These burritos are comfortable with me, too (although the last few burritos I’ve eaten have given me a fair amount of heartburn). Now, I also know that there are many other types of burritos out there, and I’ve heard great things about them. I’m sure they’re great, and the one’s I’ve encountered in the past have all been special in their own right. But, when it comes down to it, they are not Baja Fresh burritos. And that’s why I only date Jewish girls.
Oh, and if my parents caught me at a Chipotle they’d kill me.
(Feel free to take this analogy as far as you’d like. For instance, you can go with “The problem with you, Fake Doctor, is that you just don’t know how to handle a burrito, much less a Baja Fresh burrito", “There’s a high probability that burrito is going to give you a heart attack in 30 years”, or even “I wonder which type of burrito gives you more gas”.)
What was that last comment "Christ..." . I thought you were Jewish! Maybe u can stop substituting my Saviour for some other word when you think of swearing!
-M.D.
I would, but other substations just don’t have that same zing. For example, “Buddha, I can’t believe I just sank to this pathetic level for a joke!” or “Krishna, that dog just took a shit on our lawn!”. ‘Nuff said.
Why are most doctors such social dipshits? No, don't answer that, I already know. It's the profession.
-Anonymous
Thanks. For a more detailed exploration of this topic, I recommend Ah Yes, Medical School, year’s 1-3.
Oh, come on, people. Do you honestly think this frat boy is for real? This is all just way too over the top. Someone is really getting his rocks off with all the attention. I bet this whole blog is a fake.
-Anonymous
Sorry, but I think this guy is in need of some tough love. Up until now his 'tude probably hasn't been a huge issue because his patients are a captive audience, so to speak. Real-world patients are unfortunately going to be a lot less tolerant of his brand of humor, especially when it is directed at them. And some of them are going to complain, and hospital and clinic administrators tend to take notice of these things.
-Anonymous
If you think standardized patients are a boring waste of your time, I seriously doubt you are ready to be unleashed on real live patients. Sorry, I am not a member of your fan club. Your humor is sophomoric and often loaded with hostility. And please tell me you were kidding about getting drunk halfway through the day. You have some issues. Seriously.
-Anonymous
Look, I have always welcomed all comments, whether they be flattering, critical, or somewhere in between. So I’m fine with people who read this blog and conclude that I’m insensitive, dangerous, a loser, unsuitable as a doctor, a liar, pathetic, rude, a raging alcoholic, and so on. You may even think I've made all of this up, and that I'm actually a 14 year old girl from suburban New Hampshire passing the time away writing this when I'm not gossiping about boys, which is fine. But “sophomoric humor”? Ouch, that one really hurts. I mean, I’m trying really hard here. In the past year alone I’ve touched on major philosophical bodies of thought like the mind-body problem and existensialism, I’ve explored evolution and linguistics, and I’ve commented on some of the major social issues of the day, like sanitation, geographical squabbles, and necrophilia. I guess what this feedback is telling me is that I’ll just have to try harder in the future, blocking out all things gross and instead focusing on a different, cleaner, less frat-ish brand of humor.
Oh, and by the way, if you’re ever looking for a good proctologist to remove the rod that is firmly entrenched up your ass, I’ve got a good one for you. I mean, honestly, “frat boy”? Those of you who know me in person know how hilarious that is.
Hey…just wondering, is it ethical to post what you just posted?
-Z.
Let’s try to apply Occam’s Razor (is that better, Anonymous?) to this question. I either a) deceptively whipped out my camera in a crowded ER full of my superiors and snapped a photo of my patient’s massively swollen scrotum without either the patient or my superiors noticing, knowing full well that I was violating not only every privacy law ever written but also any shriveling remains of my internal morals and ethics, or b) I typed “swollen scrotum” into Google image search and found something that rather nicely resembled my patient’s scrotum for use in this post. I’ll let you decide. (Thanks to the commenter who hinted at this similar conclusion a little while ago.)
Can you make a post about all the medical vocab you've picked up over the years? I really doubt you used the word "decompensate" before medical school. I'm going to med school in the fall, and I've always been intimidated by the arcane vocabulary of my med student friends.
-D.G., New Haven, Conn.
Here are a few fun words and phrases I’ve picked up so far, and I’ll try to come up with something more complete in the future:
1. FLK (“funny looking kid”) - Apparently you can’t write “retard” in a progress note,. but somehow this is OK.
2. Erythematous – “Red” just ain’t gonna cut it anymore.
3. FOS (“full of shit”) - This handy acronym works equally well in GI and psychiatry clinics.
4. GI Rounds – If you ever hear that expression, it means the doctors are all about to leave you sitting around in clinic for another 30 minutes while they go out for lunch.
5. Liver Rounds –If you ever hear that expression, it means the doctors are all about to leave you sitting around in clinic for another 30 minutes while they go get wasted. They may or may not return.
6. UBS (“Ugly Baby Syndrome”) - No one’s going to say it to your face, but when we see an ugly baby, we have to say something.
7. Pedunculated – It means “having a stalk” in reference to polyps, etc., but who cares? I put it hear because I like saying “pedunculated”.
And, in conclusion, a tie:
I love how you must, no matter what, throw in some line of how sex deprived you are into every article you write. You’re a funny guy- you really are, but these repeated one-liners about girls sending you naked pictures are getting old. Has it ever worked? … Even once? Do yourself a favor and do either of the following: steal some kind of drug from the hospital and use it to date rape either a fellow medical student/nurse/or your roommate. Or B.) Take a walk down to the psyche ward and force yourself on some bi-polar teen, who’s allegations would simply be dismissed.
-R.
Can you be gay for me please?
-Anonymous
I love my readers.
A few quick points before I begin:
1. I appreciate the outpouring of concern regarding my drinking habits. Even more so, I appreciate those of you who have chosen to admonish my relatively mild drinking habits, even when I’m clearly just making fun of myself while I do this. Christ, people, it’s a freaking joke.
2. Thanks for all the comments regarding scrubs vs. nice clothes. Based on the wide range of opinions, I came to absolutely no conclusion whatsoever. Strong work, everyone. I also learned that I look hot either way, so I guess I’ll just do what my boss says.
3. This post is long. Apologies to attention spans, everywhere.
By the way, I’m totally fucking wasted right now.
I had to g
oogle around a little bit to find the post on your blog where he mentions him name, but whatever happened to that guy Kevin Jordan? Did you post an update about him? Did I miss it?-F.B.C.
Kevin, where have you gone? Alas, I have not heard from Mr. Jordan since November, 2005, and can only assume he successfully scored with that Jewish girl of his dreams (no joke) he was telling me about and has not left her bedroom since.
How do you manage to maintain your sense of cool and not lose your temper? How did you not respond "'Honey then what the hell DO you do around here??" I suppose that's why I never considered medicine as a career. Too many people (idiots) to deal with!
-D.
The only way I can maintain any semblance of cool, and believe me, there’s not much cool there, is by finding my own personal happy place (thanks, Happy). It conveniently turns out that this happy place is pretty simple to find. The way you find it is by looking at your surroundings. If you do not see patients, doctors, nurses, or anything resembling a hospital, then congratulations, you’ve found my happy place. This happy place is sometimes augmented by the occasional addition of a scantily clad Natalie Portman lying on a couch waiting for me, depending on my state of consciousness. But, umm, ya, as long as it’s somewhere not in the hospital that will be swell. I think this might be a problem.
Someone once told me that one can detach a scrotum with only a few pounds of pressure. Is this true? I've been threatening my future husband with it from time to time, but would like to know if it works in case one day i really need to use it.
-A.R.
I’m not sure what’s more disconcerting, the fact that someone out there is seriously thinking about this issue and how to potentially apply it to her future husband, or that someone out there actually thinks I have managed to detach my own balls and can therefore speak from personal experience in detailing how much effort it takes to remove one’s scrotum.
But just in case you’re curious, turns out it doesn’t hurt at all.
You like big butts? And you still can't get a girlfriend? Huh...
-Anonymous
I'm curious as to why the girls you (don't quite manage to) date have to be Jewish?
-S.M.
Let’s see if this clears things up. I love burritos. Specifically, I love Baja Fresh burritos (Especially the bean and cheese with black beans, pico de gallo, green sauce…wait, what was the question? Oh, right.). I really love these burritos. I’ve grown up with these burritos, I know them, am comfortable ordering them, know their consistency, their smell, their texture, their taste, etc. These burritos are comfortable with me, too (although the last few burritos I’ve eaten have given me a fair amount of heartburn). Now, I also know that there are many other types of burritos out there, and I’ve heard great things about them. I’m sure they’re great, and the one’s I’ve encountered in the past have all been special in their own right. But, when it comes down to it, they are not Baja Fresh burritos. And that’s why I only date Jewish girls.
Oh, and if my parents caught me at a Chipotle they’d kill me.
(Feel free to take this analogy as far as you’d like. For instance, you can go with “The problem with you, Fake Doctor, is that you just don’t know how to handle a burrito, much less a Baja Fresh burrito", “There’s a high probability that burrito is going to give you a heart attack in 30 years”, or even “I wonder which type of burrito gives you more gas”.)
What was that last comment "Christ..." . I thought you were Jewish! Maybe u can stop substituting my Saviour for some other word when you think of swearing!
-M.D.
I would, but other substations just don’t have that same zing. For example, “Buddha, I can’t believe I just sank to this pathetic level for a joke!” or “Krishna, that dog just took a shit on our lawn!”. ‘Nuff said.
Why are most doctors such social dipshits? No, don't answer that, I already know. It's the profession.
-Anonymous
Thanks. For a more detailed exploration of this topic, I recommend Ah Yes, Medical School, year’s 1-3.
Oh, come on, people. Do you honestly think this frat boy is for real? This is all just way too over the top. Someone is really getting his rocks off with all the attention. I bet this whole blog is a fake.
-Anonymous
Sorry, but I think this guy is in need of some tough love. Up until now his 'tude probably hasn't been a huge issue because his patients are a captive audience, so to speak. Real-world patients are unfortunately going to be a lot less tolerant of his brand of humor, especially when it is directed at them. And some of them are going to complain, and hospital and clinic administrators tend to take notice of these things.
-Anonymous
If you think standardized patients are a boring waste of your time, I seriously doubt you are ready to be unleashed on real live patients. Sorry, I am not a member of your fan club. Your humor is sophomoric and often loaded with hostility. And please tell me you were kidding about getting drunk halfway through the day. You have some issues. Seriously.
-Anonymous
Look, I have always welcomed all comments, whether they be flattering, critical, or somewhere in between. So I’m fine with people who read this blog and conclude that I’m insensitive, dangerous, a loser, unsuitable as a doctor, a liar, pathetic, rude, a raging alcoholic, and so on. You may even think I've made all of this up, and that I'm actually a 14 year old girl from suburban New Hampshire passing the time away writing this when I'm not gossiping about boys, which is fine. But “sophomoric humor”? Ouch, that one really hurts. I mean, I’m trying really hard here. In the past year alone I’ve touched on major philosophical bodies of thought like the mind-body problem and existensialism, I’ve explored evolution and linguistics, and I’ve commented on some of the major social issues of the day, like sanitation, geographical squabbles, and necrophilia. I guess what this feedback is telling me is that I’ll just have to try harder in the future, blocking out all things gross and instead focusing on a different, cleaner, less frat-ish brand of humor.
Oh, and by the way, if you’re ever looking for a good proctologist to remove the rod that is firmly entrenched up your ass, I’ve got a good one for you. I mean, honestly, “frat boy”? Those of you who know me in person know how hilarious that is.
Hey…just wondering, is it ethical to post what you just posted?
-Z.
Let’s try to apply Occam’s Razor (is that better, Anonymous?) to this question. I either a) deceptively whipped out my camera in a crowded ER full of my superiors and snapped a photo of my patient’s massively swollen scrotum without either the patient or my superiors noticing, knowing full well that I was violating not only every privacy law ever written but also any shriveling remains of my internal morals and ethics, or b) I typed “swollen scrotum” into Google image search and found something that rather nicely resembled my patient’s scrotum for use in this post. I’ll let you decide. (Thanks to the commenter who hinted at this similar conclusion a little while ago.)
Can you make a post about all the medical vocab you've picked up over the years? I really doubt you used the word "decompensate" before medical school. I'm going to med school in the fall, and I've always been intimidated by the arcane vocabulary of my med student friends.
-D.G., New Haven, Conn.
Here are a few fun words and phrases I’ve picked up so far, and I’ll try to come up with something more complete in the future:
1. FLK (“funny looking kid”) - Apparently you can’t write “retard” in a progress note,. but somehow this is OK.
2. Erythematous – “Red” just ain’t gonna cut it anymore.
3. FOS (“full of shit”) - This handy acronym works equally well in GI and psychiatry clinics.
4. GI Rounds – If you ever hear that expression, it means the doctors are all about to leave you sitting around in clinic for another 30 minutes while they go out for lunch.
5. Liver Rounds –If you ever hear that expression, it means the doctors are all about to leave you sitting around in clinic for another 30 minutes while they go get wasted. They may or may not return.
6. UBS (“Ugly Baby Syndrome”) - No one’s going to say it to your face, but when we see an ugly baby, we have to say something.
7. Pedunculated – It means “having a stalk” in reference to polyps, etc., but who cares? I put it hear because I like saying “pedunculated”.
And, in conclusion, a tie:
I love how you must, no matter what, throw in some line of how sex deprived you are into every article you write. You’re a funny guy- you really are, but these repeated one-liners about girls sending you naked pictures are getting old. Has it ever worked? … Even once? Do yourself a favor and do either of the following: steal some kind of drug from the hospital and use it to date rape either a fellow medical student/nurse/or your roommate. Or B.) Take a walk down to the psyche ward and force yourself on some bi-polar teen, who’s allegations would simply be dismissed.
-R.
Can you be gay for me please?
-Anonymous
I love my readers.
posted by The Fake Doctor at 9:17 PM
73 Comments:
As I am a devoted reader I must also have a bad or sick sense of humor because I find your posts funny and intertaining. I also understand that you are a smart person and that you wouldn't do something as stupid as take a picture of your patient. Oh my gosh people get a life and wake up in the real world here. DUH!!!!!! I love the last comment that was left. I was laugh for awhile on that one. (oh has anyone noticed the more comments you get no your blog the longer the work verification gets?)
Rar also learning dirty words in anatomy and histology that only your classmates would know referred to "pudendal" things is useful also.
Awww, Fake Doc, we love you too. I think you rock. If it weren't for the geographical barriers, and the me not being Jewish (or, sadly, a burrito), I'd go for ya. I like the words "ankylosing spodylitis". Don't know why, I just do.
So have you decided on a specialty yet?
Score!!! I'm made the blog!
Hey, FD, I'm an avid reader and have never taken offense at anything you have written or shown in some of the grosser pictures you've posted. For those who are offended, there's always the option of not clicking on your link and logging on to this site.
I find your humor to be funny, biting, self-deprecating, and typical of "hospital humor."
As a hospital risk manager during my working career, I would strongly advise against documenting things like FLK and other derogatory comments about patients in a medical record (which is a permanent, legal document and can never be altered once it's written). That's just the kind of thing that will come back and bite you in the ass and get you sued. Every mother thinks her kid is beautiful even when it isn't.
Dangerous? Hell no. Unethical? Definitely not. Funny? Hahaha, yes, very funny. I gotta get out away from the veterinary crowd and move in on the medical students... you're a funny guy!
The increasing hostililty you've experienced is probably in direct proportion to the increase in your non-medical readership. We are a little more sensitive to humor that demeans patients because we are those patients. Those blog readers are less likely to automatically share your "You worthless less-than-human, you got yourself into this mess and you clearly don't deserve my professional attention" perspective.
We also find it a bit unsettling when an MD writes repeatedly of his cynicism and bitterness and dissatisfaction with the medical profession. We want to think that our doctors, even when they have bad days, still do enjoy what they do and find it fulfilling... at least on balance.
I recognize that everyone needs a venue to let off steam and vent their frustration with their life/career/course of study/etc. You're still in the meat grinder of med school, where you probably feel like everyone see you as less-than-human too. So it's understandable.
It's just been a long time since we've seen the softer, gentler, caring side of you. I hope that the sleep deprivation and stress of the environment you live in now is masking that. Please don't let it transform you! You're WAY better than that! Perhaps you should take up running or boxing in addition to writing... it's a great way to get all that negativity out and will definitely increase your sex appeal for all those eligible Jewish girls.
Also remember the things they don't teach you in med school. Things like that patients are getting smarter and learning that we can shop around for a doctor that we like, one who has a genuine concern for his patients, who listens, who treats them as a partner in their healthcare, and who respects them as people. That is equally as important (not more, but not less either) to us as is a doctor's technical knowledge and expertise. If I go to the best doctor in xyz and he treats me like an idiot and like my time isn't important, I'll go to someone else.
I think that it's funny that the people who send you hate mail are far more entertaining and hilarious than your fans. Even more perplexing is that I am a premed student and your blog actually motivates me to try harder so I can try to make it into medical school. Anyways rock on dude and keep up the good work.
Ah Fake Doc, don't worry darlin; you can't be all things to all people. (And who'd want to be?)
Who are all these people with non-sophomoric senses of humour? Boring. It may be the only reason I read your blog. If you are indeed a raging alcoholic, all the better. Cheers.
Hey cool, you answered a question/comment I posted in the comments section ages ago. Thanks!
Anyway this might not mean much but heres my 2cents worth with regard to you and your blog and all that;
Yeah so you drink, yeah so you're not very politically correct sometimes, yeah so you use humour as way of dealing with stuff sometimes, and yeah that tends to rub some people the wrong way. Big deal. I do it all the time, and I'm probably a million times more UN-PC than you are. So far you seem pretty self assured and confident of yourself and your capabilities (despite the constant self-putting-down that you do, again for humour's sake). So basically what I'm trying to say is, I hope that you don't take your hatemail too seriously, and I hope you don't change your unique brand of 'sophomoric humour' (sorry I couldnt resist!) and I also hope that you don't decide to quit writing this blog because it is good stuff indeed.
I think you're funny and I'm not really concerned about your drinking. I've noticed more hateful comments too, and I don't get it. I mean, it's a freakin' blog, if you don't like it, just DON'T READ IT! What's the point of going to all the trouble to read it then write a nasty comment? So, yeah. Those jerks can sod off. And I think it's funny that you always refernce your desire for Jew-girl companionship. And rape is never a solution to that sort of problem. :) I say keep striving for Natalie Portman. Keep the dream alive!
Funny.Entertaining.Witty..that's your blog at first sight.
The undercurrents though are something else.
There are real issues,real situations,dilemmas,laughing-it-off,laughing-at-our-ownselves being written about here.
Things (we) medstudents go through.
Wouldn't expect everyone here to understand (beyond a point) what really goes on and clearly they don't..hence the *outrageous* feedback you have to endure.
But then there's us--the fans.
If numbers and words mean
anything doc,you know you rule.
Keep writing.
Love and regards.
I think what the majority of your readers don't understand is that med school is like being put on the tv show Distraction. You are on stage answering questions while insulting your body by various methods. Stay up all night to actually do something fun or study? Go out with friends and drink or stay at home and study for a test or read up on medical conditions? These are the questions that really matter, not what ACE inhibior should I prescribe for this heart failure patient. I heard about the show on tv. Not that I have time to watch television. I might as well have a fish bowl instead of a television.
As much as some of your readers hope you are joking about drinking and then going back to clinic or degrading your patients, I hope you are serious for the same reasons. One reader posted something about hoping docs enjoy what they are doing and shopping around for docs that really care. Let me pose this question to her, as I assume it's a woman, b/c only women think like that: Do you enjoy your job all the time? Do you have a sense of humor? And wouldn't you want your doctor to have one as well? Look the docs that don't have a sense of humor end up as radiologists or pathologists. That way they don't have their truly anti-social personalities exposed to patients. Think before you post...
runrMD08 said "One reader posted something about hoping docs enjoy what they are doing and shopping around for docs that really care. Let me pose this question to her, as I assume it's a woman, b/c only women think like that: Do you enjoy your job all the time? Do you have a sense of humor? And wouldn't you want your doctor to have one as well?"
If runrMD08 had actually read my post carefully, he would have seen that I do acknowledge that everyone has bad days. What I said was, "We want to think that our doctors, even when they have bad days, still do enjoy what they do and find it fulfilling... at least on balance. RunrMD08 needs to read before he posts!
I don't love my job every moment of the day. No-one does.
And humor is definitely a good way to deal with the crappy days. If I can manage to laugh in the moment, it definitely gets better. If not, things spiral downhill even faster.
I am simply attempting to explain the perspective of a non-medical reader since TFD seems at a loss to understand. For it seems that med people can't understand the perspective of non-meds, and vice versa.
Ultimately, don't read if the writing offends you. The same goes for you, Fake Doctor! Trash the snarky comments, or better yet, delete them from the blog altogether. I personally enjoy most of your writing and look forward to each new post.
You should add SOB to your medical vocabulary list, which stands for "shortness of breath" (or possibly "son of a bitch" in some cases...haha jk)
Not everything is peaches and butterflies. The unfortunate aspect of medicine is that it breeds red-liners. We are driven to achieve more than we thought possible at the outset. We are tested in a trial by fire every day. That is not exactly the type of environment that nurtures fun loving, happy-go-lucky people who see things through rose-colored glasses.
Yes, medicine it tough; it does harden your personality and sense of humor. You start to joke about autopsies and anatomy lab. It is a defense mechanism to separate yourself from the truly graphic nature of the tasks you are performing. It becomes second nature to look for release, by any means possible.
I do agree that balance is a good thing, but again medicine is full of red-liners who go 150 mph and then have to decompensate at some point. We study hard and party hard(er).
This is not limited to physicians, other people in the medical field experience this too. We do relate to a "non-medical" population. It just takes a second to put your mind in that mode. I'm sure you don't go around every day talking about having dyspnea or a case of acute eczematous dermatitis (that's shortness of breath and poison ivy for everyone playing along at home).
Medicine is another language and a different mindset. So, sometimes it is difficult to switch back. It is similar to being in a different country for an expanded period of time and then coming back to the US. There is an associated culture shock that goes along with it.
Funny, funny, funny! One of my all-time favorite blogs. Not only a brilliant doctor, but not a bad writer either. Keep the swollen scrotum photos coming!
Ah, fake Doc- I think you are a rock star. Well. not really. . . cause you know--- You’re not--
I must say- as a shiksha who seriously considered conversion a few years ago- there are a lot of us that like nice Jewish boys.
I'm just saying. . .
WOW! You sure had a lot of questions! Guess I missed out this time!!
Take care!
XXOO,
JTL
So fake doc, other than the requirement of your burrito being from baja-fresh, what else does it have to have? There is only one real-life natalie portman, what will satisfy your craving otherwise? What's your baja-fresh burrito need? You list what it can't have, so what can it have?
How is that for following along your allegory?
MTatz
that is my favorite burrito too and i miss it terribly, since i moved from So.Cal., so i see what you mean, nothing can replace what you're really craving ;-) besides, with your growing popularity, chances are you'll score that hot jewish girl eventually...or even natalie. so, i say, don't settle for an alternative "burrito"...just wait it out. btw, did you see that clip of natalie crying as they shaved her head? that was so sad!!
well doc, you are an adult, and a responsible , funny, intelligent one as well ~ whatever decisions you make will likely be the best choice at that time ~ no-one ever purposely CHOOSES to make themselves look like a tard-head. So, what the person said about pleasing everyone is absolutely right. You don't have to. as for all these nay-sayers, well, Don't take happiness advice from unhappy people, eh? you are doing great! People lash out at what they don't understand, and a great many do not understand the tremendous pressure that medical personnel are constantly under ~ if humour helps you to get through it, well, my heck, that's better than going postal ~;-D Anyway, it's better to laugh at a swollen scrotum, than to point, cry, or take pictures. ;-P
For those of you who criticize laughing at patients, just think of how many foul, disgusting things medical folks have to see all day long ~ could be, if they weren't laughing about it, they would be hard-pressed to continue dealing with it. You know the saying ~ until you've walked a mile in my moccosins..... ~
Gentile, female abomination, Chipotle girl here ...
Thanks for the updates!! ;)
not that i'm going to stalk you or anything (i'll leave that up to the people who are throwing themselves at you here), but are you aware your full name is on one
of the sites you link to?
just in case you care about getting more googleable.
very funny!
i like it.
i like it.
hehehehe!
Unlike some people I find your blog hugely entertaining. I was deliberating a medical career but after reading your blog, it's made me more sure that this is what I want to do.
And your sense of humour's spot on :)
You are hilarious. My mom says you have to have a huge sense of humor to be successful in the medical field so there you go...
If you post a photo credit/disclaimer with your photos stating that they are from a textbook or wherever, it might help prevent any misunderstandings.
When people start blogging, they have to assume their words and thoughts are out there for the whole world to see. You have assume there are many non-medical readers of this blog who aren't going to get the humor. Likewise you can never assume you are blogging anonymously. Word gets around, people start reading, they recognize incidents, &c.
Just bringing this up because there has been trouble recently on a couple of the med/science blogs. We wouldn't want you to get in trouble before you are a Real Doctor. ;)
You are hilarious. That is all.
Haha, of all analogies to use; Baja burrito's aren't even Kosher!
I really don't understand how anyone could think that you were a frat guy.
Seriously funny!
and we love you too. :)
kim
That burrito analogy was fantastic.
I haven't laughed so hard in days. I think I just blew out a sinus. Is that possible?
Dunno what's funnier, the posts or the dumbasses with the questions/opinions.
I love you. You rock. Even if you couldn't handle me (Chipotle, baby!) and drink (how much is too much anyway?) Everybody needs a place/space to let it hang out. And everyone else needs to grow a sense of humor -- can you transplant those?
Your thoughts don't make you an evil doctor...but that could be fun too!
(although almost cutting off that kid's weiner the other day might have edged you closer to the darkside than ever before, young jedi)
Are you sure the snarky comments weren't planted by some of your med school pals?
Methinks you have been trolled by jokesters.
Ignore them and just be yourself!
Aww, I'm devoted, and I lover your blog. Really inspired me to go to law school rather than med school (just kidding I haven't decided yet) But your humour isn't all crude "frat boy" jokes, most of it is pretty mature and generally appealing. But I'm a teenager, and our opinions generally don't matter...
I like your blog anyway.
Hey - I know what you mean about Baja Fresh burritos, they need to open some on the East...
you rock
I found this blog in a random search of "blogs" on google. I have not laughed so hard. You are very witty and obviously bright. I'm a NJG (nice Jewish girl) but unfortunately way too old for you. I will keep my eyes open though. Good luck and don't stop.
To the person who asked whether anybody has, in fact, actually sent The Fake Doctor naked photos, the answer is Yes. Enough said. As for you, Herr Fake Doktor, stop worrying when a handfull of no-life-losers strike out at you from the anonymous security of their keyboard. In the overall scheme of things, they Do.Not.Matter.
Hi Fake Doctor, I have found an answer for your attire question, straight from Reader's Digest (yes, I read RD...for the jokes). 76% of patients prefer their doctors in business attire With a white coat. Only 10% prefer scrubs, 9% prefer just business attire, and 5% don't mind casual attire. Hope this helps!
I'm going to join the outpouring of love and tell you your blog rocks. Fuck the people that don't get it.
Oh, and by the way, I'm dating a Dr., and we party HARD. So anything you could possibly do wouldn't be as bad as what he does. If anyone gives you shit, refer them over to "Adventures in Serial Dating" and they'll get a taste of what some docs are really like, mushrooms, ecstacy, weed, pharms, binge drinking, cigarettes and more.
I'm a Chipotle fan myself. I shit you not. Put me in the "sick sense of humor" column too. I think you are hilarious. I have to say though that you have a surgeon's sense of humor. Definitely a surgeon of some sort. Only they can find humor in detached scrotums.
Are you going to keep us posted while you are on the interview trail? The Match sucks but I know you'll find something humorous about it.
your fan always~
There are 40,960 ways to get your meal at Chipotle. The person who gets the exact same meal as you is your Burrito Soulmate. Create a Chipotle Fan account to find yours.
http://www.chipotlefan.com/index.php?id=soulmate
Wonderful to read as always :D
Wow, 46 comments! Holy shit! I think your blog is fricken funny and I tune in here and there, but man, I missed out on this one! Just so people know, during my appts, my doc will come in and say "Oh F**k, you again? What the hell is wrong now"....do I get offended by this? Hell no, I laugh my ass off. Keep up the great sense of humor, its great!
I'm an attorney who sues crappy docs for a living, and I can say with confidence that if there were more doctors like you in the world, I'd have a lot less to do.
Keep up the great work, and I hope I never bump into you ;)
That said, Chipotle blows Baja Fresh away.
it's been a long gap in between blogs. quit brown-nosing and come entertain us!!!! if not, i'll be forced to start commenting on random scrotal facts in your comment section.
I think you're hilarious. And I think it's pretty obvious when you're just kidding. I just wish you posted more frequently .... but no pressure ;)
do you have a book deal yet? do tell.
Which phase of Matthew Perry's career are we talking? You think fake doctor looks like the pre drug addict or the handsome "Fools Rush In" character or the post Friends older mature looking Matt.
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