Clothes That Make The Man
Taking a break from my team while we were all on call one afternoon, I stopped by the office of my research attending, a young hematologist-oncologist that I sort of, kind of, maybe do research for, I think. As is tradition for all physicians (fake or real) who are on call (which means they are going to be working for 30 hours straight and staying at the hospital overnight), I donned my trusty scrubs before starting work that day because scrubs are undoubtedly the most comfortable work clothes on Earth, they still let us look like doctors, and have I mentioned how damn fine I look in scrubs? However, when I walked into this doctor's office, I was not greeted by a "Hello", a "Good afternoon", or even a "Hey it's my bitch!". No, instead he took a survey of my attire, head to ridiculously attractive toe, shook his own head in disgust, and left his office for a moment without saying a word. I sat there, rather confused and disturbingly reminded of so many blind dates I had been on in the past, before suddenly hearing the rumblings of the Xerox machine outside. This was followed moments later by my attending marching back into his office, a stack of papers in hand.
"So, did you just come out of the OR?"
"You heard me."
"Then why are you wearing scrubs?"
"Umm...my team is on call, we're going to be here all night."
"So? Are you not going to be seeing patients, then?"
"Of course we are, we're the admitting team so we have to see patients."
"Then why are you wearing scrubs?!?"
With that, he tossed a journal article in my lap, an article with convincing evidence demonstrating that patients prefer doctors who wear formal attire at all occasions instead of casual attire (i.e. no tie) or scrubs. I stared at this article in disbelief for a moment, partially because I was not expecting this sort of greeting, partially because I could not believe someone actually took the time to study this, partially because I did not believe he actually expected us to wear a dress shirt, tie, and slacks for 30 hours straight, but mostly because he clearly was not acknowledging the fact that I look damn good in scrubs. However, after a moment to recover, I starting thinking about this. Was it really true? Do you all truly believe that it's the clothes that make the doctor? Being the massive dork that I am, and never one to back down from an utterly pointless fight, I left his office after a few more moments of small talk and did a literature search of my own, pulling up conflicting articles (one of which actually suggested that people prefer scrubs...the same article I conveniently printed out and left on said doctor's desk later that night...OH SNAP!) that left me more confused.
But then I had a great idea: Why should I try to figure this out on my own when I have the greatest collection of minds this world has ever seen at my disposal to figure it out for me? Yes, I am entrusting you, the collective mass that is the Internet, to tell me what clothes make a doctor, and, by extension, what clothes I should be wearing. Formal? Scrubs? Clown costume? Birthday suit? Saran-Wrap? Fuck-me boots? Do you like it with a tie? Do you like it in the eye? I'm very curious to use this forum to see what you all think people in my profession should be wearing. All suggestions will be taken seriously.
And with that, I will return to the Academy Awards. Oh my God can you believe what everyone's wearing?!?!?