ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: A Snip In Time

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A Snip In Time

For one young man, this day was bound to be monumental. Born only hours earlier, we encountered this wily gentleman, wide-eyed and still full of the zest of life all newborns share, in the post-partum wards of the hospital this morning. We congratulated the mom for a moment, and then proceeded with the work of the day. Following my family medicine attending out of the room, we rolled Little Timmy (his real name has been changed to protect the identity of…well…you’ll see) away from the safe confines of his mother’s arms and into a room labeled “Special Procedures”. After closing the door, we placed Little Timmy on a special table designed for newborns, complete with straps to hold down his arms and legs should he decide to make any sudden movements. I looked at him and he looked at me, still calm and complacent, his bright blue eyes moving about the room in eager anticipation for any new sights he might behold.

Hi Mr. Fake Doctor man. Golly, thanks for rolling me all the way over here. This is so neat. Everything is so new. Look, it’s my hand. Wow! Gosh, I wonder why I’m being strapped here. This is so neat!

I gently undid his special newborn diapers and exposed his penis, his phallus, his (to borrow a phrase from an orthopedic surgeon I worked with a few months ago) little dicky, and the itty bitty little scrotum that came with it. My attending handed me some alcohol swabs and a syringe full of lidocaine (numbing solution), and I vigorously rubbed the little dicky with the swabs before sticking the little needle at the two and ten o’clock positions around the base of his penis, injecting some lidocaine in each area to numb up Little Timmy’s little genitalia.

With the initial anesthesia complete, and Little Timmy complacently sucking on a sugar-coated pacifier, I put on sterile gloves and proceeded with this special procedure. I graciously poured betadine solution all over the little dicky, little scrotum, and little foreskin to completely sterilize the field. I then gracefully placed a cover sheet over the entire area, with a small circle cut out for the little dicky to stick out from. Firmly grasping the hemostat scissors with one hand and the itty bitty little dicky with the other, I calmly inserted the first pair of scissors into the space between the foreskin and the penis, clamping it (click!) on the 3 o’clock position. Bursting with confidence, I reached for the second pair of hemostat scissors and placed them in the space between the foreskin and the penis, clamping it (click!) on the 9 o’clock position. An otherwise anesthetized Little Timmy turned his eyes towards me.

Fake Doctor, you're my bestest buddy. Gee whiz, how are you doing? Wow, things are so swell here, I mean yesterday I was swimming in my own pee and today…I mean wow just look at it all! It's so great they're letting you play with me, even though you don't know what you're doing. So much excitement, so much going on, all these new peo-hey…what are you doing with those scissors? Hey. Hey! What the hell is goi-

I took the last hemostat scissors and inserted them in between the other two, at the 12 o’clock position. However, I did not clamp this pair. After ensuring that I was not actually inserting the pointed end of the scissors into the urethra (that’s the pee hole, for those of you not anatomically inclined), I opened up the scissors as wide as a I could in order to separate the foreskin from the penis as much as possible, with the goal of making the subsequent removal of said foreskin easier. I spread them wide, spread them far, spread them as far as the little foreskin wrapping the little dicky could tolerate, stretching the foreskin so far that…umm…excuse me, Dr. Attending? Eh…there’s a lot of blood squirting out. Uhh…is it supposed to bleed like that?

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO TO MY PENIS?!?

The attending, recognizing the rather large amounts of blood squirting out of the previous blood-free little dicky, quickly removed the scissors and retracted the foreskin to find a penis swimming in blood, with what appeared to be a rather large gaping hole at its top that was not there a moment ago. A rather large gaping hole?!? Did I just spread open this poor young man’s pee hole, deforming his previously normal penis for the remainder of his life? Had I just relegated him to a lifetime of awkward streams, of a disfigured member, of a tortured bigger little dicky no woman would ever choose to touch? Were the hopes and dreams of his previously proud parents crushed by a snip of devilish proportions? Was this child now relegated to a career as a deformed penis fetish porn star? Did I seriously just make a massive hole in a newborn boy’s penis on my first try at a circumcision? Oh, the horror! Oh, the shame! Oh, shit!

Listen motherfucker, I don’t know you, but you just cut a big hole in my penis. Remember this day, because one day, when I’m a little older, I’m going to hunt you down and FUCK YOU UP. That’s right, you heard me. It all sounds like violent screaming now, but I’m talking to you. I’m going to find you, slap you around with my two-headed deformed monster of a shlong, and then shove some scissors up your penis and see how you-

The attending, fearful about what had just transpired, pushed me aside and frantically performed the rest of the circumcision without incident, slicing away the foreskin and then reexamining the hideously deformed beast that I had just created. Meanwhile, I stood there horrified, shaken, and distraught at what had just transpired. After applying pressure for a few angst-ridden moments, she released the gauze and revealed the final product.

Underneath, she found a perfectly normal looking penis. Reexamining the little dicky, she pointed out to me that, contrary to our initial assessment, I had not in fact destroyed his manhood, but had only exposed an already torn frenulum (that little bit of skin at the bottom of a penis that is like a fin – I bet you didn’t know there was a word for that) as the source of the bleeding, something that easily mimics a far more serious condition and that is not dangerous at all.

I paused, took a deep breath, and praised any and every deity out there for making sure I didn’t completely and utterly botch my first attempt to snip out some foreskin. His itty bitty tiny little dicky would live to see another day. As we rolled Little Timmy out the door and back to his mom, I couldn’t help but notice his glare.

I'm watching you...



(P.S. Yes, this actually happened.)

100 Comments:

Blogger Sofi said...

It's moments like this that make me glad that my parents decided against circumcision for me. Moments like this make me doubly glad that I have no penis.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Sofi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:59 PM  
Anonymous Greg said...

Wow...
Well good job on your first circumcision. I'm surprised the kid didn't at least piss in your face.

I did!

10:30 PM  
Blogger missbhavens said...

Ooof. Ouch. Eeek. Oh, it's just evil. Circumcision is just plain mean. I'm a girl, so it's easy for me to say it. If I was an American man who's babymomma just had a son, I'd probably get sucked into doing it, too.

There is no sugared pacifier sugary enough--there is no lidocaine numby enough. They just lie there on those little baby-shaped plastic restrainers and scream and scream and scream uncontrollably.

Every Dad should be made to watch one. Then they'd think twice. Maybe thrice.

Poor little wingwangs.

10:39 PM  
Blogger The Angry Frenchie said...

I'm going to be serious for a bit (yeah, I know it's shocking).

I tend to believe, barring a medical condition, such as phimosis, circumcisions should not be practiced, regardless of religious beliefs, parental preferences, etc.

It is a form of genital mutilation, and is forced upon boys who have absolutely no means of making a conscious decision over a procedure that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

10:40 PM  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:03 PM  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

Okay, I soooooo didn't see that one coming!!

Sure, I saw the photo. Sure, I noticed the blood. But, hell, I thought that was normal. I've never had skin cut off of my penis. Actually, I don't even *own* a penis unless you count my vibrata... wait, wait nevermind ...

Where was I? I had a point.

Anyway, yeah, as I was saying, I thought the blood in the 1st photo was normal. Then, I read the part about how the little dude threatens to Fuck You Up. Sheesh! Close call.

Glad to know that all is well and that his happy future is safe and secure!! :)

11:04 PM  
Blogger gabbiana said...

Man, all I can say is mazel tov.

11:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh gee..i never knew it was so horrific..! i'm totally shocked. then again..take happiness in that reading this post makes me thankful - i was sighing about my everyday humdrum days at the office when..suddenly - i read your post..and i'm shocked...the contrast to the danger you face.. i'm glad i don't have todo that..thats the silver lining in my day :) i'll be glad to goto the office tommorow..testing old software.. goodness i'm worried about having a son now.. well anyway Thanks :)! - snoopy girl

12:18 AM  
Blogger The Missus Complains said...

Ouch, I was reading the post and feeling sorry for the poor little guy.

I personally know three men/boy who needed circumcisions at a later date in their lives. One is fine but at 7 months once of penises closed at the opening and he was sent in to the hospital. Needless to say he was sedated but when he came out of it for the next three years, he was afraid of strangers.

Person #2 Friend of my husband, got an infection later in life, teenager and had to have the thing sliced then. He has since fathered 2 children, so I think the "unit" is in working order.

Person # 3 My husband, was born with the urethra closed and had it opened, that operation was botched. Infection insued and then he was circumcised at 5. I must say that now he looks fine but going through that at 5 must have been tough.

I am torn...

12:18 AM  
Anonymous umichm3 said...

Fake doctor,

There is a glaring lack of commentary on your part regarding the incident, as well as routine neonatal circumcision in general...

It's not like you to not have an opinion.

3:45 AM  
Anonymous Gloria said...

That little baby seemed violent...but what do you expect. You would have deserved the beating up later in life.

7:29 AM  
Anonymous deborah said...

Uggg, that is why I will NOT have that done to my sons. I had to watch one in nursing school and the kid screamed the entire time. I don't think they had put enough drugs into him. It was really cruel.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Nics said...

I am so glad that I am a girl and therefore have no penis.

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo Fake Dr. Take it easy, and do best.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mazel Tov! You have Moyle potential. Which begs the question
my son asked me.
"Dad, what do Moyles practice on?"
Marc Adler

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my goodness. I think I peed a little reading that.

I love your blog :)

12:13 PM  
Blogger Wronged said...

Reason #999 I love being a girl.

Congrats on your first snipping, may you have many more sucessful snipperoos. *Shudder*

And may my boy not be among them ;-)

12:13 PM  
Blogger Motherkitty said...

Did any suppressed memories from your own circumcision come to the surface during this precarious procedure?

I'm very happy for you that the outcome turned out on the positive side rather than negatively for the little tyke. It hurt just looking at the pictures.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Ouch. I had to cross my legs as I read that.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Birdy said...

Woah, you are brave. The only thing that has remotely bothered me in nursing school was when I observed a circumcision. I was feeling woozy when I realized that fainting would be way more embarrassing than explaining myself and putting my head between my knees. ooh.

2:59 PM  
Blogger MrsGreenThumb said...

Hello Fake Doctor, I thought they had these little plastic caps that went over the end of the penis, then you pull up the foreskin and snip it off. I once chaperoned a retreat with kids from our Sunday School and the theme was Jewish life cycles. A Dr. came and showed the kids how a bris was performed. He used a rubber glove on a kids hand, then used the cap on the end of his finger, pulled up the excess and snipped it off. That sure seems like a safer way to perform a circumcision. No chance that anything would go wrong. Of course we have a whole generation of kids who think the boys middle finger is circumcised. BTW, I'm motherkitty's sister.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Newborn's foreskin doesn't stretch enough to do a circumscision that way.

Ouch.

(disclaimer: not a doctor, I might be wrong)

4:50 PM  
Blogger Mila Tan said...

The office assistant at my office just told us that her 12 year old son is going to have his circumcision soon. It's still a rite of passage in this country for young boys to wait till 12. At least they have access to antiseptics and doctors; some far flung localities still use a sharp axe-like knife and some village chief to do the snipping.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

That sounds like a fun time. Did you go have goulash in the cafeteria for lunch right after??

It makes me very glad I am a girl. But then again, I think I would prefer a moment of bleeding that I wouldn't remember to the 4 days a month I curse God for giving me a uterus.

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Christine said...

Circumcision is a barbaric practice. The USA is the only civilized country that still practices it. The people who perpetuate this practice are mutilated men.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

omg! scary! i would not want that responsibility! but then, i guess a lot of the decisions and procedures doctors perform can potentially impact a person's life forever, if not kill them. thankfully there are some of you out there willing to take that risk in order to try and help people ;-)

8:05 PM  
Anonymous enrico said...

Ya know, all of you who say circumcision is wrong, mutilation, etc. need to respect the fact that it represents a sacred covenant for certain peoples and transcends medical necessity or social norms.

Most importantly, it keeps you from looking like some Shai-Hulud Dune worm, which is exactly what Abraham was thinking way back when.

Fake Doctor, on a completely unrelated note, peep this if you haven't already.

8:15 PM  
Blogger The Angry Frenchie said...

Enrico: Some cultures consider it sacred to excise a woman's clitoris/prepuce, and in some cases, suture the labia shut, or remove them in their entirety.

I will never respect those cultures for mutilating women and girls, and likewise, as is the case you are talking about, to enforce your cultural views onto an unwilling participant by means of permanent body modification is simply unjustifiable.

And if you honestly believe uncircumsized is ugly ergo, we should operate, then should every woman that sees a OB-gyn be forced to undergo a labiaplasty if OB-gyn deems her genitals aesthetically unpleasing?

9:21 PM  
Blogger Margie the Pickle Princess said...

Man, if I was doing that circumcision, I would have peed my pants in terror! I'm glad I wasn't in your shoes, fake doctor!

On the social commentary side of the issue: when I had my son, I was completely committed to the idea, having read articles presenting convincing arguements FOR circumcism. Then I watched (I insisted they let me be present or I was going to walk right back out of there with son in arms) the horrible procedure performed on my dear baby's winky, (and they did use a little plastic cap thingy, btw) and immediately after found a number of articles AGAINST it. *sigh* If I ever have another boy, I truely don't know what I would do, but I'm leaning toward no snippy snippy. That much crying HAS GOT to mean tramua!

9:23 PM  
Anonymous la dentista said...

My brother, the penis doctor... I'm so proud. :)

9:56 PM  
Blogger red again said...

I will forever fully appreciate a circumcised penis.
Forever and ever. Amen.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Oy gevault. . .

For a long time I have said that if I had a son I would refuse to have him circumcised. It was a point of contention with my boyfriend at the time who felt that a little boy’s penis should look like his father's.

My husband is British so now I don't have that problem if we ever have a boy.

And enrico? "Shai-Hulud Dune worm"???

Holy offensive and ignorant Batman!

12:42 AM  
Blogger A. said...

Nicely written post, per usual. Like a pp, I'm surprised at your lack of commentary -- that's one of the strongest assets in your writing. Personally I chose not to have my boychild's member mutilated. But it's a decision every family needs to make for themselves. I hope before you the Fake Doctor become you the Not Fake Doctor, you will read the scads and scores of literature (both online and in print) about the pros and cons of the procedure so you can fully inform parents of the issue.

7:26 AM  
Anonymous enrico said...

French Fry said:
"I will never respect those cultures for mutilating women and girls, and likewise, as is the case you are talking about, to enforce your cultural views onto an unwilling participant by means of permanent body modification is simply unjustifiable."

Um, last I checked, inpatient circumcisions for neonates were 1) only for males, 2) elective, and 3) required informed consent of parents, so this crap about "unwilling participant" (yes, I know the baby can't speak but that's not uncommon for many patients, so you go to an advocate) is nonsense since "I" am not the one imposing my medical or cultural views on anyone. I asked for tolerance and respect and ended w/a joke to lighten the mood.

Regarding labiaplasties, there are plastic surgeons driving Porsches and owning million-dollar homes in Beverly Hills doing just that at their patients' requests, often with a waiting list.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous m said...

Amazing how it's mostly women saying they'd never circumsize their sons, but men seem to still be for it. Weird, you think they'd understand more. (Some guys I know cring at the thought of getting the dog castrated, but would have their own son circumsized.) But I'm glad to hear some people very against it, it's still so common in the US.

Nicole said...
"For a long time I have said that if I had a son I would refuse to have him circumcised. It was a point of contention with my boyfriend at the time who felt that a little boy’s penis should look like his father's."

I so do not understand this thinking at all (but then I don't get a lot of issues men have with their penises). Why does it matter if the son has his foreskin and the dad doesn't?! Or maybe the dad would be jealous that the kid got to keep his? I also really wish there were less of a stigma against foreskins, esp in the US, saying they look ugly and such, which doesn't help the guys who are lucky enough to still have theirs. It sucked when Sex and the City talked about foreskins and none of the women was given the opposing viewpoint that an uncircumsized penis is ok, they all wrinkled their noses as if it was the grossest thing ever. My boyfriend is uncut, so I'm used to it now and cut penises just look so weird and mushroomy and exposed. I feel particularly lucky since his older brother was cut, but his parents decided not to do it with him. Why do I, as the girl, care? It gives you more to play with, more subtlety. And chopping it off a newborn unwillingly is just wrong.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do all American boys have their little dickies snipped at birth?

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the crazy thing... last year, when i did ob, the doc used no anesthesia for the circ. yes, just hand the newborn a pacifier coated in sugar water.
they won't remember anyways.
-amc

3:54 PM  
Blogger CGI-angel said...

what a disturbing entry....

Thank God Im not jewish (no offense to you).....

& Thank God x100 I'm not a male.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Fat Doctor said...

So before Son was born, Husband and I had heated discussions about to circ or not to circ. Genital mutilation, I said. Foreskinned freak gets beat up in locker room, he said. We finally decided Husband will control the peni in our family. I get to control bras and menstruation, I guess.

Just linked to you over on my site. Thanks for many good laughs...

8:15 PM  
Blogger The Angry Frenchie said...

E: Circumsision is permanent, and irreversable. Consent of the patient at a time where he is deemed competent enough to render an informed decision should be mandatory. If I was your dad, and I decided that ears were ugly, and had your ears lopped off at 2 weeks old, would you have supported my decision to mutilate you? I strongly doubt it. I cannot respect the decision to mutilate someone before they are even capable of walking.

And as for your comments on plastic surgeons, yes, that is exactly the difference that I was implying. They operate as per the patient's *request* (as in, they actively seek out the procedure, and their moms don't drag their daughters into to a doctor's office, and order the surgeon to make their daughters' labia look a certain way), and they ascertain that the patient is cognitive of the procedure, the risks, and the likely outcomes. A newborn boy has no chance to establish any such rapport with the physician.

3:39 AM  
Blogger unsinkablemb said...

ouch! i'm not sure how i feel about this despite examining the arguments for and against circumcision. my question is, how do men circumcised in infancy feel about the fact that they weren't given a choice?

i've seen a couple of circumcisions in the operating room and it didn't seem that bad. maybe because the kid was "knocked out" instead of just having local injected into his penis.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Typical Recent Grad said...

Holy Jesus.

The first post of yours I've read and it assures me I'll be back. Could've done without the pictures, though.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm... seeing as I'm a youngster I can't say I've witnessed a circumcision. I really don't think that if a guy has or doesn't have a foreskin that it should make a difference. I mean, its a penis, thy are all pretty much the same, and hey, they only have one use!

2:21 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

i've read a few of the comments and thought a little about the arguments......still not sure what my opinion is, but just a thought: comparing the female genital mutilation which is done in some countries, (which actually frequently causes ongoing pain, suffering, illnesses, and possibly death, depending on what exactly is done...some even sew the vagina shut, which you can imagine what problems that would cause, or leave a smaller opening for sex, which is painful for the woman, more pleasureable for the man), to male circumcision performed in the U.S., which rarely has any complications or ramifications, is not really a fair comparison. Female, uh, "circumcision", (not speaking of voluntary like in U.S.,performed by a doctor), is mutilation, because it is destroying, many times the sexual function, and other normal function of the body part and causing illness. The only consequence of male circumcision, that I know of, is possible emotional damage(unless it was a botched job). I've never heard of a man who missed his foreskin though.

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg i can't believe that happened to you! congrats on getting through it. hope it's a hilarious story to you in retrospect =P

5:22 PM  
Blogger redhead83402 said...

I have to put in my two cents here ~ both my son and my husband are circumcised, & both my husband and I were FULLY FOR the circ. I have four friends who also had sons at around the same time, and we used to have heated discussions about the pros and cons, so they 4 of them did not get heir sins circ'ed and I did ~ result, son is now 7, and has never had any infections, pain, or illnesses arising from his circ, in fact, of the 5 boys, he si the ONLY one who has not had complications. Now, each of those boys has had to, at one point or another, go in and get circed.

Let me tell you, these mothers were very active in teaching their boys about cleanliness, how to clean themselves properly, adn everything, but these boys have endured yeast infections, bladder infections, swollen from playing with it too much, abrasions from cleaning too vigorously, and even from soap that had not been completely washed away, and hence caused burning, itching and swelling. Now, my son is liek any other boy; he used to regard baths as evil sin, he had times where he didn't get clean all the way, and he even left soap on himself, BUT, he has not had ANY complications.

It is my humble opinion that while circumcision does not issues, LACK of it DOES. I suppose each to their own, but through my personal experience, circumcision was the kinder choice in the long run, UNLIKE female genital mutilation.(which really IS comparing apples and oranges, I simply do not see a similarity there.)

Also, as far as sexuality goes, my hubby is circed, and I LIKE it. I have seen both ways, and truthfully, uncirced DOES look like a worm. Plus, uncirced isn't very clean, when you want to play. Also, I have a friend whose husband is not circed, adn she says she hates it, because they are always passing yeast infections back and forth, and she says that even thought he showers every day, he still smells faintly of smegma down there, despite proper cleaning. ( i know, I know, what things to talk about, but she is one of the friends who was adamantly for uncirced, and now she is adamantly for circed, especially after all her son has gone through, having to get circed at age 5, said it was horrible, would have been FAR better when he was a newborn.)

6:33 PM  
Blogger cheesemeister said...

I rather wish I hadn't had it done to my son, who will be 16 in May and is pretty well adjusted in spite of having me for a mother! But at the time I was told that having it done could prevent possible penile cancer later in life. Penile cancer sounds pretty scary so I figured it was for the best. But now I also hear that it's pretty rare. So...
Well, you do what you think is best. And I once asked my son if he was angry with me for having made this choice. He said that his willy was fine with him the way it is. So I guess there was no lasting resentment from having to endure circumcision. Whew!
Congratulations to you on doing things the right way, though, and caring about your patient. You are one of the good doctors. And I'm not particularly trusting of the medical establishment, even though (or maybe because) I'm in that line of work myself. (EMT) So this is a big compliment coming from this big cynic!
Peace.

2:35 AM  
Blogger Internal Medicine Doctor said...

Here's a scarier thought:

You had a bris, so did I...and we didn't even get no stinkin lidocaine

bitches

2:56 AM  
Blogger GP said...

Ouch is all I said as I read your post. Something from my gut travelled up to my oesophagus and for a minute I felt VERY uncomfortable. God blessed all female ha sisters?!!

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I know I am not going to change the minds of all the anti circ people, but my mom told me that my father wasn't circ and regretted it every day of his life. Same thing that the lady who posted about her friends' sons talked about. Cleaning problems, yeast infections, etc.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

At the hospital where I work, they call the special table for holding babies being snipped the "Circumstrainer". I shit you not. I want to take a picture of it someday.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

oh, and! my friend's husband converted to judaism before they got married and coming from a religious european background, well, you guessed it.... he had to have the "procedure" done at the age of almost 30. Uh huh. YOu can imagine it required significant healing time, and many stitches.

All I can say is... THAT IS LOVE!!

7:50 PM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

one more thing! (Man, why is this such a hot topic with me??). I have been working in pediatrics for yrs now, and you get to hear the horror stories of botched circs at hospitals and brises (brii?). These are not comforting tales to hear.

7:52 PM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

ok, I'm done now.

7:54 PM  
Blogger lee said...

It seems that most people allow their boys to be snipped today so they'll look like their father-i'm generalising here based on what people i've talked to have said.As a child health expert guy wrote-it might have been necessary 2000 years ago in the desert without the hygiene practices that we have today.What beats me is that a pact between the jews and god that was in place at that time still continues and that others got in on the act as well.Ouch.My son might enjoy the fact that i didn't get this very sensitive snipped one day.

2:18 AM  
Blogger lee said...

sensitive AREA i meant to say ;).

2:23 AM  
Anonymous Mr.Bip said...

Question for the Fake Doctor: Does anyone give you funny looks at the hospital when you are taking these pictures? I don't think the pictures cause any harm, but is there any kind of clearance issue with bringing a camera along when you do these procedures?

P.S. I'm a pre-med matriculating to med school next year, love your blog. Please continue to be cynical, skeptical, and hilarious.

7:32 AM  
Blogger LaVon Rutledge Jr. said...

I wouldve screamed at the patient and cried that I ruined their manhood.

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Christy said...

With my newborn on my chest as I type/read I'm even happier that his most traumatic moment to date (4 weeks/3 days) was when he couldn't find my nipple in the dark last night.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Mr. Bip-

I think the photos came from "http://www.danheller.com" and not our dear fake doc- so he no takey- he no legaly responsibly.

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, I have to wonder about all these people saying all their non-circumscised friends had to get circumscised. This just can't be true. Huge numbers of men are uncircumscised and have little or no complications.

Yes, it does raise the chance for a yeast infection, especially in children who don't clean properly. Cleaning properly does NOT mean using soap; you're not supposed to use soap on the mucus membrane (circumscised or not!). Water is all you need. And a yeast infection is hardly a reason to get circumscised, some antibiotics clear it up right away.

And re: smegma. Women shouldn't complain about this, they have 10x as much as any man :P

So why do men have a foreskin anyway? They need the extra skin for erections. An erect, uncircumscised penis looks almost just like a circumscised penis, because all the foreskin slides back to the shaft, where the extra skin is needed.

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Edna said...

Gee when I (gentile) had my son done (by a jewish doctor)he did not use such barbaric methods. Apparently there's some sort of ring that was attached which essentially cut off the circulation to the foreskin. In a week or two it just falls off leaving a nice clean job! No pain, nothing!

7:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think events like this must happen more than parents think. Check out this story.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Eleanor Rigby said...

Wow. Am I the only reader whose whole face contorted and changed with awe and horror? So glad things ended well.

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Kathryn said...

It's disgusting and sad that America continues to practice such torture on children. :( None of my children, boys or girls, have ever had their genitals sliced and never will.

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A lot of commenters seem to be misinformed about the basic functions of the foreskin. It's there for a reason. http://oknocirc.blogspot.com/

11:52 AM  
Blogger mommytimestwo said...

Holy hell that is disgusting!!! How can you participate in such a thing, seriously?? You know there is an organization, Doctors Against Circumcision. Take a look. You just did something that mutilated another humans body. Without that persons consent. Disgusting.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Estelle said...

Aren't you a disgusting piece of shit.
Wow. Hopefully one day someone will tie you down and do something as painful. Hell, more painful. You deserve it. As does everyone who has ever had their son or daughter circumcised. At least female circumcision is not as harmful as male circumcision. Not that either should be allowed, but you'd think that they'd do it to girls instead. At least it's not as painful or as damaging.

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Coffee Hound said...

The times they are a-changin.' I am so happy we have the information available now to help me decide NOT to do THAT to my kid.

It's his foreskin, let him enjoy it!

I liked your article and its lack of commentary; I think the bald facts and the photos more than speak for themselves. :)

12:25 PM  
Blogger Lizzardbits said...

That "little piece of skin" called the frenulum and also the foreskin have thousands of specialized nerve endings. You have now successfully amputated a highly vascular and erogenous tissue that when this boy becomes a man would have equaled a 3x5 inch note card and thereby reducing the size of his adult penis.

Circumcision is a form of surgical sadism

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog got linked to Mothering.com's anti-circumcision forum. Get ready for the zealots...they are arriving as I type.

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you anonymous. Hopefully the fake doctor will come across and get educated about this horrible American practice, so many insist on doing to their babies.

How long will it be before the American medical profession has the guts to turn around to parents and refuse to do cosmetic surgery on unconsenting infants?

4:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you yet considered the fact that circumcision is a human rights violation? Don't you see how circumcision is equal to sexual abuse?

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that there is no medical reason for circumcision. In other countries circumcision of adults is less than .01% and 85% of the worlds male population is intact. To the other posters who have known someone who "had" to be circed later I am sorry to say that they probably didnt and they got caught in the cut happy world of a dr who dosnt know how to treat any other way. Would you cut a girl for UTI? of course not but many dr will recommend circ for this reason. Only 50% of boys in the USA now are circed yep thats right half. It is a human rights violation to cut on a innocent Perfect newborn because of false information and old myths. If you love your children you will do what is best for them, and cutting off a perfectly normal, functioning body part is certainly not showing love. God dosnt make mistakes. Cutting on a newborn for purly cosmetic reasons is implying otherwise. No medical organisation in the world including the AAP (american academy of pediatrics) recommends routine infant circumcision. Come out of the dark ages. Do the research yourself if you dont beleive me. It is all right there in black and white.

4:46 PM  
Blogger The Fake Doctor said...

i searched the site and couldn't find the specific post referencing my blog. is there someone out there who can help me with this?

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They took it down. Wow. Shocking. Free discussion is not encouraged there anyway. They like to think that they are liberal free thinkers, but they're just fundamentalists of a different ilk.

6:32 AM  
Anonymous Daisy said...

Or, of course, anonymous could be telling lies...pro-circ people do a lot of that. Why so many of them have this intense desire to get others to cut up their children's genitals I shall never understand.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL. If I was lying, why did the commenter below me welcome him to come to Mothering.com to learn more?

Anyway, I wouldn't call myself pro-circumcision or anti-circumcision either for that matter. I just think that you all are a bunch of crazy mofos who scare people when you don't know what you're talking about. If you were going to come this guys blog and call him a sadistic baby mutilator, I thought he deserved to know where you were coming from.

12:41 PM  
Anonymous daisy said...

Possibly because you mentioned that site and it has a lot of useful information on it?

Why are you throwing out insults anyway? Who are you to say that someone with a different point of view is a crazy mofo?

For your information, there is no thread linking to here from Mothering, and the fake doctor can confirm that. There are only a couple of names here recognisable from there, the rest are people who have just come across the blog, so before you start insulting an entire community of people, why don't you try and get your facts right.

2:54 PM  
Blogger adventures in disaster said...

Proper pain relief and proper technique should make a circumcision painless and safe.
Recent research has proven that circumcision reduces transmission of HIV so it can be a valuable procedure in countries that have a male dominated culture.
At least circumcision gives some protection to women that have no rights and must tolerate a husband that has unprotected sex with anyone willing.

Circumcision must be treated like surgery and that means good pain relief. It should not be the horrifying thing I witnessed years ago in nursing school. Old ignorant doctors refused to keep up with any pediatric research and scorned any thought that newborns felt pain..they actually performed open heart surgery with no pain relief too. Happily those idiots have retired or died and the world is a better place.

Circumcision doesn't destroy the ability for a man to enjoy and participate in sex like female circumcision does. Male circumcision is not done to control and demean a boy child like mutilating a girl child. Mutilation of the female genitalia is done to literally hamstring a woman to prevent her from running and to prevent her from having any enjoyment of the sex act.

As long as circumcision is done with pain control and informed consent I have no trouble with it.
I think anyone caught performing female genital mutilation should be given the death penalty.
No I don't care if it is your custom, some people had a custom of eating other people okay? We don't allow that either.

11:32 PM  
Anonymous daisy said...

Male circumcision may not prevent a man from reproducing or enjoying sex as he knows it, but it does reduce his experience of sex, as thousands of men who have restored, or who are in the process of restoring, will attest. It also can be very bad for women, through friction and rubbing; there is a suspicion that sex with "an iatrogenically deficient" penis is the cause of many cases of "female arousal disorder" as a natural reaction to painful sex.

Just Google "foreskin restoration" and you will see how many men are unhappy that the choice of penis style was taken away from them. There is no need to inflict it on a baby, no rush, if a man wants a circ, he should be allowed to make that choice when he is of age to do so. I have no problem with an adult deciding what to do with his own body, my problem is forcing an irreversible, unnecessary, body modification onto an unconsenting infant.

Sadly, men in Africa have been told that giving up their foreskins will prevent them from getting HIV, it won't, even the most vociferous universal circumcisionists are agreed that a condom is still necessary. Unfortunately men in Africa don't seem to have registered this on their consciousness and consequently, what's happening now seems to be a nosediving in condom use as a result, with both men and women thinking that they are protected because the man is circumcised. Of course circumcision does nothing whatever to prevent viral laden sperm from entering the woman's body.

This is exactly the situation that the WHO, UNICEF and UNAIDS were trying to avoid with their cautious approach. It's a pity that that their representatives on the ground refused to listen and promoted it anyway, they are going to cost many lives.

5:36 AM  
Anonymous Pamela said...

I've had multiple candida (yeast-I hate calling them that) infections not to mention UTI's during the course of my life. As a matter of fact, I'm on Cipro right now for a UTI.

What part of me is the medical field willing to cut off to help my situation??

I'm not saying you are of course, but the description you have written of the circumcision you performed sounds odd... you should google "circumcision fetish"

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doctors and medical students may conscientiously object to the performance of medically unnecessary circumcision if one believes that it is immoral, unethical, or unlawful.

7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is a URL for conscientious objection:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/pdf/ConscientiousObjection.pdf

5:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To cut healthy tissue off the sex organs of a baby is deeply immoral. One day it will be illegal.

In the mean time, you and the medical community in general should be ashamed of yourselves for violating your most basic oath. Unfortunately, that won't happen until you begin to realize just how much harm routine infant circumcision really does.

Perhaps one day the little fellow will be able to come back and sue you for modifying his body, without theraputic benefit, and without his consent. Wouldn't that be a laugh?

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Ron Low said...

It's so easy; HIS body, HIS decision. We will all be embarrassed one day that this was ever legal.

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy frap. I totally did the same thing, sort of. I managed to split the foreskin (hey! it came off anyway, who cares?!?), and I felt like poo for doing it. I still think the kid'll hunt me down in 15-20. -RP (dang, I gotta quit reading this and get back to Ob/Gyn)

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy frap. I totally did the same thing, sort of. I managed to split the foreskin (hey! it came off anyway, who cares?!?), and I felt like poo for doing it. I still think the kid'll hunt me down in 15-20. -RP (dang, I gotta quit reading this and get back to Ob/Gyn)

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's with the word "dicky"?

5:13 PM  
Anonymous hmmmm said...

Research has just shown that male circumcision lowers the likelihood of HIV transmission. Interesting eh?

9:48 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

At least you get to DO those kinds of things at your medical school.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Roberto Leone said...

You should be strapped down and have you dick cut off, you fucking asshole. Torture a baby? Why not kill some fucking jews then? What's the difference?

I graduated from medical school in Rome and if you did that there, we would have sliced you to bits.

First, do no harm.

6:18 PM  
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2:52 PM  
Anonymous Nikki said...

Seriously, you people are going to come and comment on a blog and try to get preachy? What kind of rocks do you people live under?

Keep on keeping on, fake doctor. You rock.

Nikki

7:06 PM  
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7:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One lesson of the story is maybe it's better if a female removes the foreskin. It might be more appropriate since they eventually get penetrated by it and prefer the circumcised, skinned back version. So let the women circumcise. As far as just not doing it, or letting him decide later, really, why? Circumcising him at birth excludes him from the decision and that's as it should always be.

3:16 PM  

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