ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: ID for ID

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

ID for ID

Among the multitude of aspects that is frustrating about medicine, one of the main areas of concern centers around an excruciatingly painful task requiring scores of mental aptitude, quick analysis, and the extremes of dedication to achieve and thrive in. You know, learning stuff. Since it has been well established that learning is boring, and since all I am really expected to do on my Infectious Disease rotation is learn stuff (as there are no procedures or tasks to master), I thought I'd ease the pain and make learning fun. And by fun I mean a way for me to kill an hour writing this up instead of learning stuff.

With fun in mind, I made a game for you all to play: What will follow are five infectious disease topics, followed by the pictures of five celebrities they most resemble in a jumbled order. (Despite my obscenely large C-level Internet celebrity status, I’m not one of the celebrities depicted. After all, I don’t even have a Wikipedia entry made about me, so I can’t be that famous. Yet.) Your task is to try to match the disease with the appropriate celebrity, and then compare your results with the solutions I have provided below. And before you even begin to ask, the answer to your question is: yes, I do in fact have no life whatsoever. Enjoy!

1. Diabetic foot ulcer
2. Ebola virus
3. Herpes Encephalitis
4. C. difficile colitis

1. Madonna

2. The Bush White House
3. Tom Cruise
4. Mel Gibson
5. Kim Jong Il

1. Diabetic foot ulcer - Proving that your toe does taste like chicken, the diabetic foot ulcer presents itself as an appetizing feature of infectious disease. Interestingly, this soft tissue infection often starts as a simple little prick, say from a nail or some other sharp object, that grows into a massive infiltration because the diabetic patient cannot feel his or her feet and does not even realize that a raging infection is taking place. And speaking of little pricks, if you matched this topic with Kim Jong Il, you are correct! But only because President Bush is not little. Answer: Kim Jong Il

2. Ebola virus - It's elusive. It's dangerous. It is one of the most deadly things in the universe. It was featured as a fearsome killing machine in a movie starring Rene Russo (more frightening, now that I think about it, than Rene's plastic surgeon). And it is currently only found in Africa, snatching up defenseless children across the land and causing almost unheard of societal damage. Yikes. Answer: Madonna

3. Herpes encephalitis - This little guy is something I have absolutely no personal knowledge of whatsoever. It's called herpes, and (I've been told that) it can lead to some pretty gnarly, painful lesions on your genitalia and/or lips (depicted to your right). What you may not know is that, rarely, it can cause something called "herpes encephalitis" (that just sounds bad, ya?) when the virus that causes this disease gets into your brain tissue, which basically makes patients suffering from this condition act completely insane and do utterly irrational things, like jump up and down like a monkey on national television or attempt to convince other people that you are not gay by getting an actress to artificially inseminate herself with alien sperm while telling everyone that you impregnated her. Answer: Tom Cruise

4. Clostridium difficile colitis - The unique thing about this type of colitis and the subsequent raging diarrhea that ensues is that one only gets this specific type of diarrhea after being treated with antibiotics for another disease. So even when you think you are helping someone by giving antibiotics, you might actually be causing this monstrosity to be unleashed on your patient's colon, toilet bowl, and wall (but only if the spray is forceful enough). And nothing makes me think of steaming, watery, foul-smelling putrid mounds of shit more than anti-Semetic raging alcoholic wastes of space. And by the way, Braveheart was totally overrated. Prick. Answer: Mel Gibson

5. Definitely one of the hottest topics among fear-mongerers today, MRSA (methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus) represents the latest in drug-resistant infectious organisms. Basically what happened was the medical establishment was careless in its initial approach to this bug, blasting it away with unnecessary heavy-duty antibiotics at inappropriate times, but not being judicious in its planning and approach to long-term management of the disease and not ensuring that patients completed the required course. Some would even argue that many of these infections were not actually real infections at all, but were only contaminants in blood or skin cultures, and should not have been attacked with antibiotics in the first place. Remaining bugs started acquiring resistance to these antibiotics, first appearing rarely and then disseminating rapidly, spreading out from the hospital setting into the big communities, killing the weak, and developing into a quagmire that is quickly spiraling out of control. It is now at the point where there are extremely few antibiotics left to treat this bug, options that are often decidedly toxic to humans and that represent a tragic strain on the fabric of society. Even worse, the medical establishment has absolutely no good exit strategy for how to deal with this ferocious force. Gosh, I feel like I’ve heard this story before, I just can’t remember when or where. Answer: The Bush White House


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oooo ooh! I am the first comment! Well I tried to guess them but got all of them wrong =(. Did guess that Bush was foot ulcer which seemed to be a little close to correct - damn! Sounds like the ID rotation isnt so bad. That must be an elective..
Happy Halloween C-level celebrity..from someone you don't even know!

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rene russo does not equal julianne moore, btw. love your blog, though. :)

1:01 PM  
Blogger MamaChristy said...

See, I really thought the Bush arses should have been Ebola. Elusive. Dangerous. One of the most deadly things in the universe. Yup. It hink that sums it up.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Motherkitty said...

All the folks on your list are a**holes and fit any one of these categories! If only we could expel the Bush, we would all be better off.

Ditto, anonymous' note on Rene Russo and I also love your blog.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Admin said...

please excuse my Rene Russo-Julianne Moore gaff. I guess if you've seen one fire crotch, you think you've seen 'em all.

4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice... I wish you had thought of this stuff when I was studying Microbio. That could have been helpful :P

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bush is perhaps a diabetic foot ulcer infected with MRSA.

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so, i actually got all of these right. granted, i am in med school, but i still feel somewhat foolish for being able to match these correctly. i'm gonna go try and forget this ever happened

12:02 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

hehe, funny........

12:46 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

OH you and your quizzes. They're entertaining. It's too bad that you don't have more time to write posts like you used to... but I guess you're off doing important things that will eventually decide life and death for some people, and not things that are dumb like whether the people who read your blog will be entertained.

go be a doctor. it's your destiny!

2:44 AM  
Blogger Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com said...

DAMMIT, I flunked the test!!

Oh, and, by the way ... you're right: Mel Gibson *IS* a prick.

5:22 AM  
Blogger The Angry Medic said...

Damn. Forgot Bush was a prick. Thought he was, you know, a bush (ah ha. geddit? geddit?)

(God that was lame.)

The blog's great, though. And if you hate medicine as much as I do, you should retire and become a stand-up comic or an author. Maybe after you get your Wikipedia entry and celebrity status. I'm told, though, that to get those things you actually have to UPDATE your blog regularly.

*nudge nudge*

6:30 PM  
Blogger ABBEY said...

this game sounds like jay leno's "jeopardy"...you can never get the right answer...btw "Kim Jong Il" was one of his contestants last nite! cute little korean guy with pouffy hair, can't hurt a fly lol.

And yeah...as an African myself, I'm tired of people feeling like the way to show you have not completely sold your soul to the devil is to adopt a kid from a third world country. I know my continent needs help but dang! don't steal all our kids, we are already suffering a significant brain drain as is!

8:39 PM  
Blogger GaffLady said...

that was beautiful. love the tom cruise = ebola. i am starting to get scientology pamplets in the mail - which makes me wonder if they targeting all the "kt's" from ohio. help.

11:31 AM  
Blogger D-Lo said...

President Bush = community-acquired MRSA that's sensitive to Bactrim, whereas Hillary Rodham = necrotizing VRSA, but that's just one man's opinion. Props on half-assing your way through med school whilst simultaneously receiving massive amounts of Blogger comments; Wikipedia, "blogs of note", and courting residency directors a-plenty are certainly soon to follow!

1:19 PM  
Blogger Me said...



Funny post though! :)

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha, that was priceless.

But seriously, infectious disease is amazing (well, not the actual diseases themselves...nevermind). Please tell me you're liking your rotation!

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great post! good luck with the ID rotation.:)

5:54 PM  
Blogger genderist said...

Wikipedia is totally missing out without an entry about you.

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oprah's next interview should be Shirley Phelps-Roper versus Tom Cruise in a religious, no-holds barred ring match. Or maybe Tom Cruise versus that teenage girl from True Life: I have Tourette's.

6:29 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

As a med student, will you tell me whether you think this is normal? My friend, who just turned 30, went to her doctor and her doctor told her she should start having kids asap because her eggs were starting to deteriorate. Do they teach you to give that kind of advice in med school? I'm just wondering if its normal or what...or a good idea?

8:08 AM  
Blogger medicAl said...

stumbled across ur blog as i started writing mine. also a med student blog but I'm in London England.. anyway, love urs and wondered if u know how i can link my blog up to urs so people who read mine will b able to peruse urs too...
have a gd weekend and enjoy ID..

7:17 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hilarious...but I think you have officially acquired the dark sense of humor

6:24 PM  
Blogger tree hugger said...

so, i kind of found your blog randomly...searching for info on reference letters
(aside: also found a website advertising 'original' reference letters...that seem wrong to anybody else?! i suppose i shouldn't advertise it - just thought it was crazy and WRONG!)

...anyways, back to the point...I found the site randomly, but i think i'm hooked already. I'm actually applying to med school right now, kinda freaked out about it, but doing it regardless. Oddly enough, your site has been encouraging...(in the whole 5 minutes i've been reading it).

Anyways, I don't really know what i'm trying to comment on. Just that you made me laugh, i guess.

7:44 PM  
Blogger Kal said...

Madonna as ebola = genius.

Came to you from Barb, blogrolled!

11:07 AM  
Blogger JesusFreak84 said...

I nominate Hillary Clinton for whatever is the most disgusting disease you've seen yet. Bonus if it involves puss. ^_~

Anyway, yet another interesting read. =-)

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey Fake Doctor, where are your posts? =) I'm lonely hehe just finished my strategy take home final..man b-school is taxing but prob can't compare to med school. its 4am and i have to get up in 4 hours..can't fall asleep..

1:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mels' mouth is a leathal weapon!

Great Blog

8:39 PM  
Blogger b3Rn1cE said...

fun fun! awesome.

1:00 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:52 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Ok so I'm stupid and my sentence structure (or lack of words) made me sound like a complete fool! (Hey give me a break, I'm tired!)

Anyways, the whole MRSA thing made me almost pee my pants it was so funny. I will never look at an MRSA contact isolation sign the same way again.

I <3 you and your blog!

Erin, RN

2:54 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Nurse here: Antibiotics are not the only way to get C-diff. I wish that were true. It can also be passed from person to person by contact, poor hygiene. Carry on...love your blog.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

Very funny! So many of these folks could stand for so many diseases! Especially lice!

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Bush White House can only be contained like MRSA - CONTACT PRECAUTIONS! Yep! It can't be allowed to touch anything except what it has already messed up- Uh... yes.... politically translated: He just work on Iraq and the budget and whatever else he's messed up and NOTHING ELSE! hahahaha!!!

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pleeease make a new post...You can't create such a riveting blog and leave us hanging like this.

4:51 PM  
Blogger ID Crossroads said...

Hehehe... how can I not blogroll you after reading this post??? Hope that's ok. Keep writing!

8:33 PM  
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