ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: Ask The Fake Doctor 6

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Ask The Fake Doctor 6

Breathing out…now. Having just returned last night from my last whirlwind trip around America doing interviews for residency, I admit to achieving something pretty remarkable. After all, I did not think it was possible to watch Futurama on the Cartoon Network for 4 straight hours, but thanks to the groundbreaking satellite technology available in today’s planes, such things are now possible and can be realized, as I did last night. I’d also like to say that I have reached some grand epiphany about how to rank the programs I have seen, where I would like to go, and what I would like to be doing, but that would involve me actually having some clarity about my life which, as you might have already inferred, will not be happening anytime soon.

Since it is pretty clear that I have absolutely nothing interesting to write about these days, I figured I might as well turn the spotlight over to you, my glorious readers, and go through some of your delightful fan mail. Apologies in advance for the massive length of this post (it has been a while, after all), as well as to the letter-writers I have not yet had the chance to reply to. And if anyone has any bright ideas on where to go for residency, I’d really like to know.


So, I am 28, and all of a sudden I got the urge to go to medical school. I am a computer programmer, and I think that I’d be much better as a doctor. Do you think that 28 is too old? I found your blog when I googled medical school. I’d like to hear your opinion.
-M.

I have a few answers to this, and I’ll let you decide which one you prefer to take:
1) There is an adage that says “It’s never too late to start something new”, and that advice applies to medical school as much as anything. That said, you better be damn sure this is what you want. Lets ignore all of the other commitments you’re signing up for and do the simple math first (assuming you haven’t done any premed requirements yet):
Doing a post-bacc: 1.5 years
Medical School: 4 years
Residency: 3 years (minimum)
So that’s at least 8.5 years, which is an optimistic assessment, meaning you’re going to be 36 or so before you are even finished with your training. Now, for many people, including a fair number of classmates of mine who are as old or older (the oldest in my class was 37 years old when she started) than you, that is not too big of a deal. Personally, I’d be frightened by the prospect of not even being finished with training by the time I am approaching 40, but that is just me. So you have to just be honest with yourself and decide whether you really want it, and if so, then go for it.
2) If you start medical school at 28, that means you will not be able to wear your long white coat/chick magnet until you are at least 32, which seems like wayyyy too long for me.
3) Wait, you want to drop computer programming to go to…medical school?!? Having recently visited the Google campus, I strongly suggest you send them your resume and do the same before making this decision. Christ.

You get mistaken for Matthew Perry? Be still my heart! Not only a brilliant fake doctor, but good looking to boot! Natalie Portman doesn't know what she's missing.
-K.

OK, I don’t actually have anything to add here. I just wanted to make sure everyone saw this email. It’s a great thing that women out there think of me as such an amazing sex symbol, desired by women everywhere, the modern Greek God, exuding muscles and hotnes-wait, what was that? You want me to read the next email? OK fine.

Are you SURE you're not gay?
-Anonymous

That’s more like it.

Whoever created this site, or writes all of these things, the doctor, you're pretty pathetic. You spend your free time bitching about a "television show" or "Hollywood." It's a show. If they were to be realistic, that would be freaking boring! People don't watch shows like Grey’s Anatomy or the medical stuff.. well maybe some…apparently you do, just to bash it…but the majority of people watch shows because they like them, not to get "facts." You might as well bash every single show and movie then, saying those situations are unrealistic and fake, that this 'hollywood' stuff would never really happen.. lol it's television!! Get over it!! I probably will totally forget to check this site.
-Anonymous

Umm.. doctor?? Where do you get all this time to watch the show...and bash so much on it???? lol. If you're a doctor, then you spend your free time horribly…use your power to prescribe and prescribe yourself.. some uumm,, what's it called that we all have?? Oh, right, a life. It's TV Drama. Not reality TV. Ass. With all the med school, you sure as hell lack a lot of common sense.. No one watches TV shows for facts, we watch to be entertained. If you hate it THAT bad…why do you continue to watch it?? lol. NICE.
-A.

Wow. I seemed to have hit a nerve here, and this is just a sampling of the fair number of hate mail I have received regarding my take on Grey’s Anatomy. I never thought my innocent attempt to provide some mildly comedic observations about a show that I personally can’t stand would set off this degree of rage, hatred, and general contempt for my misery of a life. I’m reminded of a story that was told to me once, a story about two brothers. One was very serious and studious, while the other was somewhat of a trouble-maker. One day the two brothers were arguing about something non-trivial (the details of which escape me, and for that I apologize), when the serious brother started lecturing the trouble-maker about appropriate behavior and what is or is not acceptable for all. The trouble-maker countered about the necessity of comedy and humor in one’s life and the need to pick on third parties to make a point or just for laughs. This argument went on and on, until the wee hours of the night. After many hours, the trouble-maker shoved a pie in the face of the serious brother, who subsequently discovered that pie does in fact taste good, even when splattered on one’s face. Now, what is the moral of this story (a story, I should add, that I have spent a whopping 30 seconds concocting in my head)? It’s that you are a douchebag. (For a further elaboration on this idea, check out my response a few emails down.)

Someone should design a cardboard cutout of a porn-star bending over with a hole in it. You could place it over the patient and pretend you're examining Jenna Jameson instead of Old Man Winter.
-Anonymous

Holy crap, this is a brilliant idea. Even Jenna is giving it two fingers up! Or is she practicing her rectal exam technique? Let's go with this idea. I could open up an entire line of medical fantasy diagnostic tools. Instead of that sterile white paper that gets rolled over the exam beds, the paper would have pictures of naked women on them. Bags to place over the faces of ugly women before doing breast exams. Speculums shaped like-…hmm…why do I feel like I am already getting sued before even finishing that sentence?


Classic. I've never met a psychiatrist (or neurologist for that matter) who was balanced (insert Three Stooges noises here). Neither should be permitted to reproduce. Have you ever interacted with their offspring? One word - oy.
-P.J.

P.J. brings up a fascinating point about psychiatrists. I was fortunate enough to attend elementary schools, junior high schools, and high schools with a fair amount of doctors’ offspring, and after interacting with many of these kids I have come to a similar conclusion: it is virtually certain that all children of psychiatrists are fucked up in the head. This is a remarkably reproducible phenomenon. I have no idea why this is the way it is, but I would imagine that these children are predisposed to being weird simply by virtue of their having the genes of their freak parents. If anyone has any bright ideas about this I’m sure someone has a Nobel Prize waiting for you.

Got the MCAT scores back today... Went searching on google for "MCAT Retarded". Got this blog. Thanks for cheering me up.
-Anonymous

Since I’ve already said my piece about the MCAT, I don’t really have much more to add to this other than the fact that nothing makes me more proud than knowing that my blog is the first item listed when one googles “MCAT Retarded”. I feel like I have truly made it.

After reading through some more of your old posts and seeing that you put on tefillin, I realize that you might be able to shed some light on the challenges of being an observant (to any degree) Jew in medical school.
-S.A.

Sadly, it is not that easy to be observant and be a medical student (or resident, or even a real doctor for that matter). The first two years are no problem, as your schedule is just like it would be in any other graduate school that has class from Monday to Friday. Save for the occasional asshole that schedules a final exam on Yom Kippur, there are no major issues to be had. However, once you start third year and are expected to work in the hospital six days a week (at a minimum), finding time to put on tefillin in the morning becomes rather challenging, especially during some rotations when “morning” means 4 AM. While I do not keep Shabbat, I would imagine this is also a challenge since call schedules are constantly shifting and it is virtually impossible to always have Friday night to Saturday night off every week. That said, I am pretty sure there is some sort of Judaic teaching that involves the responsibilities of being a doctor, such that physicians are absolved of following the all the Jew rules as long as they are doing something to save lives, etc., although I could not find a good link to an article that explains this in more detail. Also, do not think that it is all bad, since being Jewish and in medical school has its perks. Namely that all Jewish girls have been bred for thousands of years to desire and mate with Jewish doctors, so you are pretty much guaranteeing yourself success in that department. Unless you are me and you have no game whatsoever…but hell even sometimes it still works out, so you never know.

Quit being a fag and get used to it. I hate the fact that you lost your humanity and are laughing at someone who undoubtedly is outcast by assholes like you. He is not a 'schizophrenic patient'...he is a human being who lives with the unfortunate affliction of schizophrenia. Dickhead.
affectionately,
F.U.
-Anonymous

Personally, I think my use of the phrase “schizophrenic patient” pales in comparison with your derogatory use of “fag” to denote my apparently obvious homosexual tendencies (obvious to everyone but me, it seems – see above) and your subsequent attempt to equate homosexuality with being an “asshole”, but can you really expect me to have anything intelligent to say when I have a penis on my head? And why am I trying to have an intellectual conversation with you when I should be spending my time playing with the dick currently resting on my head? These are the things that keep me up at night (whereas, it should be noted, my dickhead usually doesn’t rise until the morning). I think I’m done here. Wait…DICKHEAD! OK now I’m done.

"slutty nurse from peds?" Jerkoff.
-Anonymous
Oh, the humanity! Oh, the horror! How dare I generalize a legend about one incredibly slutty nurse from the pediatrics ward to the entirety of nursing? Where do I find the gall to even remotely suggest that I was laughing at someone less fortunate than I (ignoring the fact that if you actually read carefully, I am not doing any such thing)? I am so rude, so insensitive. In this tradition, let me also add bluntness to my list of qualities. What do I mean by this? Here we go:

IT’S A FUCKING JOKE, PEOPLE.

Man that felt good. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to, as you so subtly recommended, go jerk off to the picture of the slutty nurse before laughing at a few retards and bashing formulaic televised medical dramas. While I’m away, will you people please do us all a favor and remove the rods from your asses? Thanks.


And, finally, speaking of rods, a tie for the last word…

Babes, no need for pliers. Men can usually extract anything from their rectums using their own bare hands and just a tad bit of lubricant. Um ... I mean ... not that I would know anything about any of that ... I've never shoved anything in any man's ass ... nor extracted anything ... wait a minute ... I'll just be quiet now ...
-F.B.C.

Hey,
Think yourself lucky, I'm a vet in England. A finger? Try up to your shoulder in cow! And humans don't try to kick, bite or gore you! Oh and on sheep we dont bother with gloves.
-R.

Cheers!

107 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha, the slutty peds nurse comment was hilarious. i know a few of these, however, invariably, there is a slut in every profession...the slutty secretary, the slutty salesgirl, the slutty fluffer...you get my point

1:17 PM  
Anonymous maria said...

as a huge-ass fan of grey's anatomy, i would like to just tell you that your post about the show had me rolling on the ground with laughter and appreciation. those other grey's fans are taking themselves waaay too seriously. keep up the good work.

1:38 PM  
Anonymous kim said...

it's good to see all the 12-year-old grey's fans are visiting your site.

2:17 PM  
Blogger Couz said...

I've never seen a blogger garner so much mail, whether it be fan or hate.

But I've also never seen a blogger keep such an impressive fan base when he only updates once a month or so.

What's your secret?

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Flav said...

Fanf*ckingtastic! Good stuff. When will the nurses go back to the slutty outfits? The ones with the boobs out the tops and ass out the bottom.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To vouch for him, I rotated with The Fake Doctor on pediatrics last year and can safely say that 7 out of 10 of female peds nurses had either a nipple ring popping through their friendly Care-Bear tshirts or a "I [heart] Coldplay" tattoo on their lower backs. Not saying its right ... or that its wrong ... just saying I support the guy and love peds nurses!

4:22 PM  
Blogger The Angry Medic said...

Hey! Nurses are HOT. I personally have had many of them gaze adoringly at me, no doubt wanting to pull me into a broom cupboard somewhere and do a Grey's Anatomy on me.

(Must make sure to get my next rotation in Peds though.)

And Couz up there is right. For updating once a century, you do get quite a bit of fan mail. Unless the mail IS spread out over a century, and you're just really lazy at checking your email.

4:36 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

Ha,ha,ha! You gave me my laugh again- but please, update "a little more often" if you can - I know you're busy watching Greys Anatomy, though.

6:03 PM  
Blogger gabbiana said...

Oh Fake Doctor I missed you.

I dislike Grey's on principle, because the #1 question I get about med school these days is "Is it like Grey's Anatomy?" And then people act all disappointed when I say "No, med students are not attractive enough to have that much sex."

6:50 PM  
Blogger A. said...

oh you're back! I do adore your Reader Mailbag, so to speak. So glad you are posting again. I'm sorry you still have no idea where you are going with this whole medical school thing. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you could be a Medical Correspondant on some major (or minor) TV network. You've got the looks thing going for you and hey, you write pretty darn well, and you could do some kind of Ask the Doctor blog for ABC or some such thing.

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About being an observant Jew in medical student, when there is a will there is a way. Ultimately, people respect a person that stick to their beliefs and don't play politics. It may not be an easy path to take, but one that will be worth it in the end. Also, there are Shomer Shabbat Residency programs. There are also other observant Jews that have gone through medical school.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

You're still alive! Residency interviews haven't done you in yet... which is good. We still want to hear from you. Love your writing, and hope you get into a program that will love you and respect you and treat you like the good man you are... well, maybe not in THAT way....

3:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo,
Why don't you do your residency at:

If ya wanna go south:

Duke Univeristy Medical Center
University of North Carolina Hospital System

*For both of these, you could live in the ultra-prep town, Cary. No crime, population of about 120,000, and home values around a million. Every building is amazing, due to their ordinace where "tacky" signs and buildings aren't allowed. They even forced McDonald's to build turn their resturaunt into a brick upscale building called "McCafe."

...But if you're lookin to go North:

Johns Hopkins (What's better than "Yes..I did my residency at Johns Hopkins Hospital"?)
Dartmouth University
Mount Sinai - Mount Sinai would be great considering it's Jewish affiliation.
Massachusetts General Hospital

Out to the Midwest:

Mayo Clinic
Cleveland Clinic (sorta midwestern..)


Stay in Califonia:

University of California - San Francisco Medical Center
Stanford Hospitals and Clinics
UCLA Medical Center (If I'm not mistaking..this is where you're in medical school? Just a guess.)


These are all top hospitals..so you should get great training. And I gave you a hospital for every area. Just some suggestions..ya know. Anyway good luck! I found you're blog when I googled medical school, and read every post from the beginning over about 4 days. I'm planning on being a doctor..so yeah, I found it interesting.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fine then....you can remain anonymous!

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay! My fave fake doctor is back. I love Grey's Anatomy, so juicy and emotional.and unrealistic as it is. Please, please, please post more often. We miss you.

1:30 PM  
Anonymous J said...

Fine then you can remain anonymous? Were you talking to me? (I posted the very long list of possible residencys, lol) If not...then disregard this message. And I shall now go as J..instead of anonymous.

6:13 PM  
Blogger A girl said...

You are priceless. There is a tag going on, and you have been taged. It is time to share a bit more about yourself, dear. Follow link to my blog... I'll be waiting...

6:23 PM  
Blogger genderist said...

It's about time you posted again!!

5:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey.. I find your blog extremely amusing, and I think some of the other people need to go smoke a blunt(altho i know nothing about that :-)). I hope that when I'm done with medical school, I can maintain a sense of humor and not have a rod up my u-know-where

2:01 PM  
Blogger Old MD Girl said...

Sometimes the 4th year medical students come to talk to us, and I think to myself, "Will I become that big a douchebag by the time I'm a 4th year?" Then I realize that they've probably been selected by their superiors for their douchey qualities and feel better.

It's good to see you haven't gone that route.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Darwin said...

Good to have you back:) I confess I do watch Grey's Anatomy and your post on it made me laugh so much, thanks for that! Looking forward to more posts in the future and keep it up!

4:31 PM  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

Hands down, my absolute favorite was your response to the guy who called you a dickhead! VERY funny shit. :-)

7:03 PM  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

Oh, and, by the way ... You said, "if anyone has any bright ideas on where to go for residency, I’d really like to know."

My vote? NEW YORK CITY!!! :)

10:52 PM  
Blogger Kookaloomoo said...

Nurses ARE indeed hot. I know this because I am one, and because I'm married to one. It's a testament to your survival skills, FD, that you know so well how to treat the nurses. Be nice, and your mistakes will be caught and corrected, your labs will be printed and filed in the chart before you start rounds, you'll get information without having to ask, and your orders will be noted and acted on ASAP. Oh, and we'll share our snacks. Be a douchebag and see how far you get.

12:29 PM  
Blogger Kookaloomoo said...

Oh, and I second whoever suggested you do your residency at Dartmouth. AWESOME hospital, like, world-class, big city tertiary care center in, literally, the woods. I worked there for a few years and saw some of the coolest, most unusual cases ever. It paled in comparison to my stint in Boston. Dartmouth-Hitchcock is the only tertiary care and trauma center in northern New England, so everyone with anything even remotely seriously wrong with them ends up there. Seriously, you should check it out.

12:34 PM  
Blogger DanjerusKurves said...

OK, I double-checked the horribly outrageous posts that set some of your readers off in protest ... dahling, seriously, you need to cultivate some of that infamous doctor-arrogance and apply it to the hate-mailers. Cheer up, I'll send you some more nudies soon.

love from The Slutty Blogger ;)

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you. Do you want to couple's match with me?

3:45 PM  
Blogger MishMisha said...

hahahaha this is too funny!
well said to all the hate mail.. and i don't see the point of grey's anatomy either.. i think it sucks..

oh and love your blog btw :D

12:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alas, 'fake doc' I have been a fan of yours for quite some time. This post, however, gave me pause.

Basically, I think that you are far enough along in your studies that you need to start cutting back on the puerile humor. I found the "speculums shaped as..." extremely offensive.

You're better than that.

You also need to show respect to future colleagues. You undoubtedly will be working with psychiatrists in the future so I suggest practicing some humility and compassion. The path they have chosen is made harder by stereotypes that are promulgated by the likes of you, and you are supposed to be a future COLLEAGUE, never mind what the layperson thinks.

Religion seems to be an important part of your life and I suggest that you look to your faith to give you guidance and to help you to GROW UP!

You're adorable, but you aren't in junior high anymore.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Crash Hash said...

Funny thing: I'm sitting here watching Grey's Anatomy and I google "medical school blog" and yours was the first. I'm reading and watching and laughing at everything in between. (This particular episode is when this cancer chick is all toxic and stuff.) I think you should do a minute-by-minute Grey's eval at least once a month.

Anyway, I'm hooked. Blog on.

7:03 PM  
Anonymous hedy de vine said...

hi. you're pretty funny. and so are your readers.

11:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nurses are hot as hell! I want to bang them so bad I can hardly control myself around them.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Goldie said...

Can you please change the text and background color?? I admit that I may be reading too much NMSwhatever, but my eyes cannot tolerate the white on blue, and to read your posts I have to paste them into my email. Cut a third year a break already!

6:31 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

: )

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um just want to chime in and say it's not puerile humour. Maybe you don't have a lot of experience around Psychiatrists but all the ones I've met -- on ward, in clinic, during my rotation at the psych hospital -- and believe me I mean ALL of them are fundamentally unbalanced. And it's not just me who thinks so, the psych residents I worked with pointed it out. Granted I've probably met a dozen out of the millions of psychiatrists so the statistics aren't on my side but I've seen enough to tell you that most of them are one episode away from being on the other side of the table. Therefore, I think I have a good chance of matching Psych next year.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grey's Anatomy is vomit-inducing crap and that comes from the dude who watches it every week while screaming at the idiots on screen. It's a simple fact people, take it to the bank. So, all you little teenage girls that live and die by McDreamy and McSemen just need to chill out.

PS: And before anyone asks why I still watch it every week: I have a problem. OK?

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're so insecure it's ridiculous

8:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Found your blog a few weeks ago...been randomly reading entries whenever I need a laugh/motivation. You are amazing.

I will 100% refer you to all my single jewish girl friends

4:35 PM  
Anonymous girl said...

wait but you haven't told us what speciality you're doing interviews *for*....come on, spill!

12:40 PM  
Anonymous mandi pandi said...

welcome back, oh great fake doctor. it's been a while and i'd almost given up on your return. so happy to see the mail bag. just wanted to let you know that since the previous mailbag, i have married my once future husband and he still has his scrotum attached! however, i still dangle the thought of me using only a few pounds of force to remove it whenever he royally pisses me off. thanks! don't be such a stranger!

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to sympathize with you about grey's anatomy - my husband ruined both Law and Order and CSI for me while he was in law school. Since he was frustrated by the law inaccuracies he kept pointing out to me, in great detail, what the csi individuals, cops, and lawyers were doing wrong.

I especially have trouble watching L&O now because in my head I hear him saying "the cops just threaten to shut down the nudie bar by calling the alcohol licensing bureau if the owner doesn't give up the his mob contact - let's see: $500 fine or having a mobster after me. Which one do I chose....?"
-mg

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so glad you're back! I have recently moved to Kentucky, and can unequivocably say DO NOT COME HERE FOR A RESIDENCY! I am already sorry, and I just came for work.

You are 100% on about psychiatrists. My experience as a pharmacist with these 'professionals' has been abysmal. Giving 4 year olds seroquel so they'll sleep. Giving 78 year olds risperdal because they have aphasia and get frustrated. Or, my personal favorite, handing out some really nasty drug like haldol as a new therapy for any reason.

5:09 PM  
Blogger beepy said...

I was thinking they should make cute little designer stents for people who have occluded arteries, and also want to show off their spunky attitude. For example, the car enthusiast could have a Ferrari stent, and the baseball fan, a Mickey Mantle stent. Then, when the radiologist gives the arteries the ol’ looksee, he can admire the wacky designer stents. I feel there is a very big market for this, mainly comprised of radiologists who want to see something original instead of the same old stents, and people who would like to risk certain immediate death to have a cumbersome object jammed into their diseased artery. As a future doctor, I’d really like your opinion on this potential business venture.

9:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi fake doctor - just wanted to share a story - today i was a tad early to my corporate finance class but when i got there the classroom was filled end to end! it was a 300 person classroom, so naturally I crept in the back and realized we were watching a film - happens often in business classes, so i watched.. it was dark and spooky and the prof was gesturing to this gray shadowy area talking about a fetus..then i thought, wait a minute..what is this? the blair witch project? are we creepily discussing stem cell research companies now? then I realized - I'm in the wrong class! I walked into an MD or pre-med class hehe kudos to you!

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

-from snoopy girl (the corporate finance story) =)

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No short coat during medical school UNLESS you go to the University of Chicago, where all the medical students wear long coats, too. We're so sexy in our long coats!

1:54 PM  
Blogger Labor Nurse said...

You're a funny boy. You'd be the resident we'd all want to hang with. And let me tell you, there isn't many of those.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...

You have been nominated for the Battle of the Blogs. Sorry this sounds "canned" because, well, this is canned. I have received lots of entries. I will be working on the ballots that will probably come out next Tuesday (2/27), but this is what I would like from you:

1. First: do you want your blog to be entered?
2. If you could, could you send me a brief (one paragraph) description of your site for me to include with a link to your URL (blog name). I am taking the names from the top of the blogs. Oh, and use the bloggerbattle(at)gmail.com.

You can use the link above to visit the Battle of the Blogs if you have no idea what this is. And, relax, it just means you are loved.

3:16 AM  
Blogger Timeless Boulevard said...

Hi there! May I link this t my blog site? Thanks!

10:51 AM  
Blogger Timeless Boulevard said...

ps:
I've been asked that a lot of times...is it just like Grey's? Oh please!

10:52 AM  
Anonymous roxtu said...

Hey, Fake Doctor,

On the infamous day of 2/21/07, have you submitted your list? Whoohoo! It's out of our hands.

Now all we have to do is wait for the Ides of March.

p.s. love your blog.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Hetta said...

Think about it. You made somebody a half a world away laugh for half an hour and think a little too.

11:56 PM  
Anonymous la dentista said...

Another great post, bro. If you have any more emails from 'haters,' let me know, and big sis will take care of them. Oh, and Happy Birthday! Love ya! :)

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Time for a new post, Mr Medical school.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Bravofriendly said...

Yoo-hoo. Mr. Fake Doctor? Our bland and pathetic lives are without humor when you force us to go this long without a new post...please! Make us sick twists LOL with your wit! Come back, Fake Doctor!

8:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where the hell are you, dude?! We miss you!!! LOTS!!!

6:40 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...

Just wanted to stop by to tell you that Battle of the Blogs: Round 2 has started, and your blog is one of the ones still in the competition.

Leesa (http://dsmoya31410.blogspot.com)

7:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I read your blog and I think you're just great! I have a lot of trouble believing you'd ever be single..your posts are really charming. Best of luck!

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay -- Premed classes suck. I wish you'd take a break from all the life saving and give us a dose of humor that will hold us for another month. COME BACK FAKE DOC --- I NEED THE INSPIRATION!!(clearly I haven't been paying attention)

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are we going to have to wait all the way until match day to get an update regarding the general direction in which your future career will be heading?

The suspense is palpable. Really. Somewhere in the temporal region. :)

9:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what is match day? also Fake doctor i think if you want to publish this you should just do it: barnes and noble has this program where they'll publish stuff for you for like $150 but you'll get a % of profits or something.. also if you want more ppl to buy you should make "side entries" not posted on your blog to be included int he book - and when you publish - just let us know! we'll all buy it =) or theres lulu.com (just googled self-publish)not sure how good it is but it seems okay. i also have a ques for the fake doctor but i'll post in another one- snoopy girl

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh gosh feel sorry for me fake doctor, i think i just got dumber by reading a "professional" article for business communication class that argues the pros and cons of Powerpoint. yes you read that right, powerpoint, for 16 pages..and unfortunately i have to read another book about the styles of powerpoint. the "highly acclaimed" author actually blames the accident columbia shuttle on the evils of powerpoint and stated that we facilitate the process of er medical processes by having -(embarrasing) - good powerpoint presentations. this is a shameful day for me.. oh and in the beginning of this other course "firms and markets" there was a highly disgusting thing i almost didn't want to share but i will - in our textbooks the author included a blurb arguing for the sale of human organs on an ebay-like platform..and you thought med school was gross.. nah i'm just complaining, seriously sometimes business can be fun these are just not one of them - maybe i should start a bitch blog about mba school instead of spamming here hehe - snoopy girl

5:32 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

So what specialty are you going into? Are you excited for Match Day?

5:33 PM  
Blogger A. said...

it's March. we "the internet" miss you. please come back. at least tell us when you don't love us anymore and have decided to break up with us.

6:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tell me you have found a girlfriend already. i wont be able to believe that you havent.

7:12 PM  
Blogger (Me) said...

Fake Doctor,

Please come back. I miss you. And I need a procrastination excuse.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you really single? There are many fake Jewish doctorettes in my class that would love to know (not me of course...I'm asking for MY FRIEND).

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooo...match day is tomorrow! good luck!

9:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

come on update alreadyyy!

Where did u get matched?

9:53 AM  
Blogger Med said...

nice blog.. u have a good flair for writing..

11:48 AM  
Blogger One Student Doctor said...

Just a shout out to say, "We miss ya!" Hope you matched at your #1 choice...can't wait to hear.

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr.Fake found a Miss Fake!! That's got to be why he dumped us.

Or maybe it's because Snoopy Girl creeped him out one too many times.

Dave: You really think he's going to announce where he matched? Fat chance.

1:16 AM  
Blogger (Me) said...

Give the guy a break. He's probably still hung-over from Match Day.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a med student from Australia and I love you comment about Grey's Anatomy (the tv show). It totally sucks compared to House. I've only watched the 1st episode and maybe half of the 2nd of Grey's, and from what I've read from your post, I haven't missed much! Thanks and keep it up!

1:07 AM  
Blogger MustangSally said...

Just wondering if you have any Match news. Hope it went well for you and you got what you wanted.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I hate Grey's Anatomy too. With a passion, actually. I also wish I had the readership that you do!

3:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

didn't he say he was interviewing for internal med and planning to specialize from there? or maybe I'm crazy. i signed up for med school--crazy it is. (high-5 and hope you're doing well, mr. bloggerMD)

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Healthy Man said...

LOL definitely some good reading here. Hey if you invent a new speculum in the shape of UMM well you know , You just might become a rich person and I'm sure the girls will like it much better than the Cold steel.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous emma_the_sleepy said...

if the medical student from australia actually thinks house is a good show, they really shouldn't be a medical student. and i am from australia.

the thing that shits me the most is the "surgical interns also doing work in the ER" and ER physicians also having intimate knowledge of paediatric surgery etc.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you match?

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Long time reader, first time commentator:

I'm a first year med student, and have to say that I'm disappointed that there has not been a new post in almost two months, especially since we're all dying to know where you matched!

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Calvin Broadus said...

I'm getting tired of reading this post that was funny the first time, but gets shittier every time in succession. It was match day last week - are you still scrambling?

8:21 PM  
Anonymous A Premed Dreamer :) said...

I have to say the suspense is overwhelming. I'm not even invoved and i'm hoping you got your first choice match. I'm a first time writer -- long time reader -- but seriously fake doc come back we need some of your unique brand of humor to help us procrastinate some more. Okay i've got to get back to may paper. Peace.

1:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where are you? You're as funny as hell. Come back!!

5:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WRITE SOMETHING!!!! Hope you got your first choice match.

10:49 PM  
Blogger Arthur Dent said...

Oh, look, a tumbleweed....

I know I don't pop in here very often to check up on you, and I comment even less, but WTF? Did you die?

Even I update more than this.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fake doctor, when are we going to find out how you matched?!?!

3:18 PM  
Blogger Doc's Girl said...

The suspense is killing me....:)

10:36 AM  
Anonymous msquoted said...

First of all, people pick a name. How can one respond to an anonymous posting when there are 30 anonymous postings!

Anonymous number 13 (or was it 14), I was just complaining about the haldol 'fix for all'. It doesn't always work and often enough it makes patients more confused/agitated/crazy. There has to be a better way. I know! Lets hand out some Ativan instead!

In my humble opinion, the best email was from the vet from England. He wins hands down! Oh the visual and the shudderings his email created! Pure genius.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous msquoted said...

I just attended a conference on Mechanical Ventilation and discovered that some ICU's are using haldol continous infusions to counter the 80% of patients dealing with delirium connected to ICU stays/ventilator use. Anonymous number 14, have you seen that? They claim that less sedation is needed and patients have less post traumatic stress disorder.

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey,
i found your blog just now by googling med school sucks. its really sucking right now. there is no point in studying as i feel like im bieng waterboarded. this week has been HELL. I HOPE I PASS MY PHYSIO TEST!!! By the way its cool that you wear tifillin. thats hot. and im a girl, dont worry.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS: OMG LUNGS AND KIDNEYS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS. REALLY THEY ARE. I LVOE THEM. I LOVE BLOOD TOO. AND H+. THEY ARE SO FUN TO HANG OUT WITH!!!!! I WILL NEVA EVA FORGET THEM OR LEAVE THEM FOR ANYONE!
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9:40 PM  
Anonymous 2nd yr gone nuts said...

WOW! I Love it! A fellow med student just sent me the link to your blog. I read a few pages and I thought they were so funny. Your blog about your time during Step 1 boards hit home especially because I have mine next week! Keep up the good work and let the haters hate! They dont know that a sense of humor keeps us alive in medicine.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a doctor with a good attitude. You are not pompous and you are approachable, and you know all the bullshit about doctors being sexy dudes is a crock of crap. Nonetheless, they are smart and highly selected. Once they begin to IDENTIFY with the patient, and have empathy, then they become allright dudes and dudettes. You are one of the good ones, for sure.

Snarlington, VA
suburb of Washington, DC where pompous yuppoids predominate and defoil the landscape.

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Kay said...

"And humans don't try to kick, bite, or gore you!" - R

R obviously hasn't worked with dementia patients. :)

4:31 PM  
Anonymous jenn said...

I love reading your blog! I'm married to a med student and you say the same
stuff that he does.

Thanks for entertaining me when I'm bored and lonely.

6:51 PM  
Blogger finding a way said...

Ha ha ha... You're awesome... :)

8:24 PM  
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Wish me luck!

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