Consider My Enthusiasm Curbed
Apparently, I have a problem. Well, that’s not exactly a shocking revelation, because I have lots of problems: being awkward, lacking in social graces, excessive attractiveness. But I knew about those problems. It wasn’t until today that another problem dawned upon me while walking the halls of the hospital. See, I have a completely irrational fascination with people’s names and the jobs people perform in the hospital.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is that this key information is almost universally carried on little ID badges that the vast majority of people wear on one particular part of their clothing, the chest pocket.
This, it turns out, is a problem.
It’s a problem because there’s something else that is commonly found in that exact same region on about half of the people who work in the hospital: boobs. And when word gets out that some jackass resident is blatantly staring at all the doctors and nurses chests with blatant d
isregard for decency (and, apparently, common sense), then that jackass resident is about to get his (or her) ass handed to him. This leaves me with a dilemma: Do I continue to stare and satisfy my insatiable curiosity, or do I conform to social norms and constantly feel like I am missing out on something interesting?
In other words, I would have to risk living out my career as the physician embodiment of Larry David, a horrible fate despite the awesome music that would be playing in the background of every moronic thing I did. Or I could live out my fate as any of the Real Housewives of any city: in complete and utter ignorance. Neither option seemed particularly appealing. What about making th
e conscious effort to only examine the names and professions of the male and poorly chested individuals? Doing that would then force me to consciously judge the attractiveness of females (rather than the subconscious norm that most men achieve), which would be exhausting and in some weird way maybe even more disturbing than the innocent inquiries I’m doing now. Perhaps a hospital-wide mandate that all IDs be displayed via a holder that hangs from the neck? Good luck enforcing that.
In sum, I have absolutely no idea how to resolve this, as I don’t know if I can consciously control my subconscious yearning to discover the names and vocations of passers by. Am I alone with this problem? And does someone else have a better solution?
Any and all ideas would be greatly appreciated.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is that this key information is almost universally carried on little ID badges that the vast majority of people wear on one particular part of their clothing, the chest pocket.
This, it turns out, is a problem.It’s a problem because there’s something else that is commonly found in that exact same region on about half of the people who work in the hospital: boobs. And when word gets out that some jackass resident is blatantly staring at all the doctors and nurses chests with blatant d
isregard for decency (and, apparently, common sense), then that jackass resident is about to get his (or her) ass handed to him. This leaves me with a dilemma: Do I continue to stare and satisfy my insatiable curiosity, or do I conform to social norms and constantly feel like I am missing out on something interesting?In other words, I would have to risk living out my career as the physician embodiment of Larry David, a horrible fate despite the awesome music that would be playing in the background of every moronic thing I did. Or I could live out my fate as any of the Real Housewives of any city: in complete and utter ignorance. Neither option seemed particularly appealing. What about making th
e conscious effort to only examine the names and professions of the male and poorly chested individuals? Doing that would then force me to consciously judge the attractiveness of females (rather than the subconscious norm that most men achieve), which would be exhausting and in some weird way maybe even more disturbing than the innocent inquiries I’m doing now. Perhaps a hospital-wide mandate that all IDs be displayed via a holder that hangs from the neck? Good luck enforcing that.In sum, I have absolutely no idea how to resolve this, as I don’t know if I can consciously control my subconscious yearning to discover the names and vocations of passers by. Am I alone with this problem? And does someone else have a better solution?
Any and all ideas would be greatly appreciated.
posted by The Fake Doctor at 9:30 PM
8 Comments:
grow ovaries! i stare at women's chests all day long, with and without nametags, and get away with it. ahhh, the joys of womanhood!
I have the same problem with men...see we put our badges by the belt of the pants, so when I try to figure out if I have ever talked with men that I walk by, it looks like i am staring at their crotch! :-)
well, reading the badges don't require much time I guess. Don't unduly prolong your stare!!
btw, genuine problem. I suggest name plates On the Left sleeve instead.
hahaha.
@Stella: LOL, at least you don't have men staring at you on pretext of reading your name plate. Be happy.
hmmm, i suppose in my experiences, if it's someone your actually working with or chatting with more than 1 second, just make it blatantly obvious that your looking at the tag and not the boob. if you can even point to your own tag and then peer at theirs.
if it's just a passerby, i guess the only thing you can do it glance quickly. but i dunno at least in my med school, most of the people in the hospitals dress diff depending on roles (housekeeping is usually blue scrubs, docs have the steth, dressshirt/pants, white coat, pharms have the little basket of drugs, etc).
um, can I just tell you that Dave worries about this all the time? Also I love CYE, and the day before I took step 2 watched episode after episode of it with my sister...and had that theme song running through my head all day the next day. It kept me sane....
Solution: We should wear ID badges on our pants back pocket - that way you can stare all you want and we...would never know :)
Here's an idea: Update your blog.
I have exams, and i desperately need something to prevent me from studying for them...
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