ndab Ah Yes, Medical School: The Gift That Keeps On Taking

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Gift That Keeps On Taking

Medicine has ruined many things in my life. My sleep, my social life, my pleasant and sunny demeanor. Hell, even my ability to be disgusted by all orifices of the human body. But there’s one thing I thought medicine could never ruin, something so sacred to my upbringing and heart that it has gone with me unscathed for 28 years. That is, until tonight. While on this heinous “jeopardy” rotation (see below), I am technically signed up for a radiology elective when I’m not covering for a sick or overwhelmed colleague, but in actuality, I am taking this time to catch up with the basic things in life. These include sculpting and toning my already perfect body to new heights, sleeping dangerous amounts, and my favorite pastime: watching movies.

(As an aside, I am a huge (HUGE) movie nut, and were my testicles larger I might have forgone the stability and predictability that a career in medicine provides to become a third-rate writer-director-producer and finally bring to life a full-screen adaptation of Tiny Toons and ThunderCats.)

Since my local video store went out of business a few months ago (thanks, Netflix!), I have resorted to perusing the cable movie options frequently and watching whatever interesting comes my way. Why not go to the theater, you ask? Well, because of this jeopardy rotation I can get paged away at any moment, and as such I wouldn’t be able to truly enjoy every minute of G.I. Joe and really feel like I spent $14 wisely.

Tonight, in another episode of my attempt to watch all the “good” old movies, I decided to view “Double Indemnity”:
This is a classic Billy Wilder film noir movie about a crooked insurance salesman, a psycho-bitch, and their attempt to commit some good old-fashioned murder/insurance fraud. I am sure there was great acting, brilliant repartee, and master film craftsmanship…but honestly I couldn’t say for sure whether there was or not. Why? Because I spent the whole movie having thoughts like these:
  1. Do these people realize that with the amount of smoking that they do on a daily basis (as depicted frequently in the film), they are going to come down with some pretty serious lung cancer in ten years?
  2. Why aren’t the people in the market who are around the people smoking having any problem with all the second-hand smoke?
  3. Do the guys in this film know that if they wear their pants up so high they’re probably decreasing their fertility by crushing their testicles and bringing them too close to the rest of their bodies?
  4. Why does the psycho-bitch not bleed profusely when she is shot twice in the chest at point blank range?
  5. I wonder if the short insurance salesman guy knows about the long-term risks of excessive alcohol abuse.

So, thank you, Medicine, for ruining yet another part of my life. Fortunately for you, almost every movie made these days sucks anyways, so I don’t think you can do too much harm. That is, unless you manage to distract me from the brilliance of Up by reminding me of the old dude’s Framingham risk score. Damn it.


Blogger Lance said...

Medicine has a way of creeping into one's system. And, yes, Up is as great as people say it is. ;)

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Blogger Colin said...

Is that first picture even possible!?!
I also love medicine and am just starting out

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Blogger Elijah Tafari said...

Hey man, I dont get it, are you a doctor? im studying for my pharmacy technician exam to get certified. My blog is about my trials and tribulations, im sorry dont mean to be ignorant, you have interesting posts, i just dont get if you are really i physician in a hospital or private practice

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Anonymous Anonymous said...


Just took a short break from studying for my final year in medical school to read your blog. Thank you for the reminder that I'm not the only one with these regrets. Thankfully, it's almost over.

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Blogger Larissa said...

That first guy 's body looks like plastic bubble wrap. I have urge to try to stomp on him.

My question is why don't you join netflix? Double Indemnity is on my netflix queue. Thanks for all the spoilers. ;]

Love your blog, glad to see you posting again.

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Fred MacMurray was the leading man in Double Indemnity - but would go on to play the dad in 'My Three Sons' a few years later. You have no idea how much higher his pants got in that series.

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